Peaceful Living

2012-01-16T20:05:00.000-08:00

Are you living

Wide Awake?

The long-awaited collection of Kate and David's life-altering experiences shared in short stories designed to inspire, enlighten, encourage and challenge. You're life will never be the same. Find out more at:

callthecoach.com/18.html

2011-03-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

This is one of the projects I completed this winter. Enjoy!

David Larson joins Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, & Dr. Denis Waitley in a new book,

Stepping Stones to Success!

Goals & Proven Strategies from the Industry’s Leading Experts

SEVIERVILLE, TENNESSEE— David Larson, keynote speaker and author, has been selected from a nationwide search to be featured in Stepping Stones to Success; a highly successful book series from Tennessee based Insight Publishing. The book features best-selling authors Deepak Chopra (The Power of Purpose), Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul), & Dr. Denis Waitley (featured in The Secret). Larson, Chopra, Canfield, and Waitley, are joined by other well-known authors and speakers, each offering time-tested strategies for success in frank and intimate interviews.

Larson is a psychologist, life fulfillment coach, and prominent workshop leader.

In this book, Larson describes the exciting elements of his Essence Leadership Program, developed with business associate Kate Sholonski.

The Essence Leadership program focuses on tapping into the strongest leadership qualities in each CEO or manager. “The uniqueness of each authentic leader is the gift he or she brings most powerfully to any organization,” says Larson. “Essence Leadership Training is about helping each leader become fully appreciative of the skill sets only he or she can bring to the table, emphasizing his or her priceless value to the company.”

To order a copy of Stepping Stones to Success, you can do so at his website, http://www.callthecoach.com/18.html

or from Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Stepping-Stones-Success-David-Larson/dp/1600136052/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1301245393&sr=8-1 .

Larson is known for his ability to help people capitalize on personal growth quickly. His easy-going, insight-generating style enables each client to see their own magnificence and perform at the top of their game.  

A specialist in the management of anxiety and panic, Larson is the author of the popular anti- anxiety e-course, How To Stop Your Anxiety Now, also available in soft-cover from his website, www.callthecoach.com .

His recently produced relaxation training CD, Serenity: Guided Imagery for Health and Life, provides meditations for balance and clarity of mind for his students and clients.

As a motivational and inspirational speaker, David provides workshop experiences to audiences of all sizes to promote exceptional connectedness in relationships and extraordinary productivity in business environments.

A book-signing event is planned at Book World in the North Bridge Mall in Albert Lea on Saturday, April 16, 11am - 2pm.

Direct any questions to davidlarsonleadership@gmail.com or to David at this office, 507-373-7913

Where the Rubber Hits the Tarmac

2011-03-03T16:14:00.000-08:00

Delta flight 4204 took off from Detroit International Airport for Elmira, New York without a hitch. The stewardess was pretty. She looked something like Barbara Streisand with sharp jawbones and blond hair shaped to accent her face. A guy up front flirted with her while asking for some drinks. I was sitting in row 7 of the Regional Jet, already reading my book, excited to prepare for next week’s study group.

About 20 minutes into the flight, the pilot came over the loudspeaker. “We’re having some trouble with the landing gear. We are going back to Detroit where they have the fire trucks and personnel available to handle our situation.”

Handle our situation? What was our situation? Couldn’t they handle this in Elmira? They don’t have enough fire engines there?

Some time passed and the pilot came on again. “We need to burn off some more fuel before attempting to land back in Detroit. Please remain seated and keep your seat belts buckled.”

The passengers looked at each other with confused faces. What does he mean “attempt to land?” Doesn’t he think we are actually going to land? What could be the reason to burn off more fuel before touching down?

A buzz was building throughout the cabin, and I realized I was making eye contact with nearly every other passenger I could see. It seemed we were all checking out each others’ faces, trying to get clues of how serious the situation was. I remembered what the flight attendant had said about each of us noticing where the nearest emergency exit was. Mine was right behind me.

My seat partner cracked a joke, trying to ease the tension. I, too, turned back to the fellow behind me in row 8, the exit aisle. “Looks like you may get some action,” I said, suggesting he may need to actually do something with that 40-pound exit window the flight attendant had told him he may be needing to handle.

“I’m ready,” he fired back with confidence.

I could see the stewardess up front, talking periodically on the phone, presumably with the pilot, and each time hanging up and managing to look quite relaxed. She knew we were watching her for clues. Was she trained to look calm like this?

I pulled up a few pictures quickly of my wife and daughters on my iPod, and smiled with awareness of my love for them.

I looked at the cover of my book, almost laughing at the irony of its title, Your Immortal Reality. I must admit this was comforting to me in that moment.

I remember being asked one time by a friend if I was ready to die. I found it challenging to answer that question. I didn’t think I was afraid to die, but sometimes I wish I could do some things over, with another chance to get it right. How does one know until you are actually faced with it? After all, none of us knows for sure when we are actually going home.

We could see the flashing lights of the fire engines and ambulances lined up on the runway now.

I noticed the calm in my body and the peace I felt inside. I thought with gratitude about the vast experiences of my life, and realized I had learned a lot this time ‘round. If it was my time to go, I was grateful for the chances I had been given to leave the world a better place than I found it. I had loved, and I had been loved. What else could be more important? There was nothing to fear. I knew I was safely in God’s hands.

As we braced for impact, I was still at peace, and smiling, thanking the Lord for His many mercies.

When the wheels finally hit the runway, it took us only a few seconds to realize the tires were rolling! The landing gear held! The plane came to a stop and we all exited onto the tarmac.

Delta assured us we would be put on another plane as soon as possible. We were. And we were grateful for the care that each employee of Delta Airlines took to assure our safety.

And then I smiled once more, realizing I had been given yet another chance to love again.

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist, life coach, and leadership trainer. He can be contacted at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)

What To Do With $100,000,000?

2011-01-16T07:12:00.000-08:00

In a recent interview with Howard Stern, a reporter asked the radio icon about his wealth, “How do you spend $100 million?” He responded, “You don’t spend it, you hang onto it.”

Our country’s leadership had already proved how common Stern’s attitude was when they instituted the deep tax cuts of 2000, giving 50% of the tax breaks back to the top 5% of those who already had the most.

The stated philosophy was also a familiar chant: The wealthy need the tax cuts because they will spend it investing in our economy, creating jobs, and moving our country forward (trickle-down theory). The true result was that our country lost 8 million jobs, increased the national debt by nearly $5 trillion, and suffered the worst economic devastation since the Great Depression.

Big Business has also clearly demonstrated they are also in Stern’s camp. Businesses have now have amassed $1 trillion they are not spending but saving idle in bank accounts. The money didn’t trickle down. It was stored in their pockets.

By recently renewing the tax cuts to business owners making more than $500,000 per year, and those on a salary making more than $250,000 per year, Congress chose to deepen our national debt by an additional $500 billion. Instead of applying the critical wisdom we learned from the previous administration’s economic experiment, we chose instead to repeat the behaviors that have brought our country to its knees in the first place.

There is no doubt that some great things are being done by the very wealthy. This, I celebrate. However, I wonder if more great things could be done for our country by responding directly to the needs of the other 95% of Americans as well. If we took that $100,000 a year tax break given to the average millionaire, and put that money into the hands of those who need it most, they will spend it (not keep it) because they have to to survive. Customers then purchasing more products increase the need for manufacturing and services, allowing businesses to create more jobs, reducing unemployment, and bringing our economy back. Rather than just assuring the descendents of the wealthy can have their American Dream, this would assure that the majority of Americans have a shot at it as well.

Will you pray fervently with me this year, and get involved in the political process in a way that’s meaningful to you by promoting and encouraging our elected leaders to cease combating one another, and focus on what’s best for all the citizens they represent? America will move forward most effectively when egos, lobbyists, and political self-interest take a back seat to unity, cooperation, compassion for all, and a reminder we are our brothers’ keeper.

David Larson

Great Hope for the New Year!

2011-01-02T15:05:00.000-08:00

Most European countries have experienced enough suffering that they are very slow to go to war, as evidenced by their lack of support for our attack on Iraq several years ago. At the time, many of us felt they were shirking their responsibility to support freedom. Since then, we have gained perspective that they that they were supporting freedom; they just weren’t promoting violence as a response to grief and fear.

Paul Harvey once said, “I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.”

This challenges our temptation to hurt back when being hurt. Harvey hoped that what we will learn from those who hurt us that it hurts to be hurt. He hopes we’ll get it that the appropriate response to being attacked is to experience how awful it is to attack someone.

My New Year wish is similar to Paul Harvey’s, that we will see every offending behavior as a teaching tool on how not to offend people. That we will see every disagreement as an opportunity to understand someone better. That we will replace our fear of being hurt with trust that others don’t want to be hurt either. That practicing forgiveness is what we’re here for, and pardon is what turns blemishes into blessings.

What I want for us in the coming year is that we will see our neighbor who belongs to an opposing political party, also belongs to the same human race. I want us to be mindful that the ones whose religion is different from ours is loved just as much by our God as we are, and that He expects us to treat them with compassion and respect. I would have us remember that differences in skin color and cultures are beautiful, that diversity is growth, and that being challenged to give up our old patterns that aren’t working is a gift, not an assault.

I want us to see beyond people’s reactive behavior to the scared person behind the reaction. I want us to see we’re good people even when we act bad, and others are the same.

I agree with the bumper sticker I saw recently that said, “I hope that my child doesn’t kill your child.” May we join our petitions in prayer and our voices in song, “Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”

For me, it could begin with me slowing down to express appreciation to my family. It could begin with me by asking someone who thinks differently than me, “How did you come to that conclusion?” Perhaps it will begin with me refusing to bad-mouth elected officials, even when I abhor what they’re doing. Perhaps it will begin with me remembering the innocence of a baby in a manger, who came to demonstrate peace over winning, understanding over judging, compassion over condemnation, and mercy over punishment.

Then, we will truly have a brand “New Year!”

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist and the founder of the Institute For Wellness. His column appears on alternate Sundays. He can be contacted at 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)

Lessons of Christmas Learned

2010-12-22T05:28:00.000-08:00

Circa 2110

“Tell me a story about the old days, Papa,” asked Jeremy, who Grandpa liked to call ‘Snapper’.

“OK, Snapper, let’s see…I know it may be hard for you to believe now, but there was once a time when people depended on war to settle their disagreements.”

“What’s a war?” Jeremy asked curiously.

“A war is when people use guns and bombs to destroy their enemies in order to get their way” responded the old-timer.

“But, Papa, didn’t they know that loving others is what helps people heal their differences?”

“I know it’s obvious to you young people these days, but we hadn’t learned the way of love yet. Many years ago there was a time when we grown ups got so angry at each other, we judged, attacked and hurt one another.”

“But why?”

“Because we were afraid. We didn’t understand that when someone harmed us, it was because our friend-to-be was hurting inside himself, and needed the understanding of a compassionate soul to free him from his pain.”

“You mean like when Peter pushed me?”

“Yes, Snap. I remember he shoved you in the hallway, and you fell and broke your ankle.”

“Ya, he had just failed another math test and he was really scared of his dad’s reaction. Besides, he was lonely, and didn’t know how to make friends. I think it just built up in him.”

“Yes, that’s the way it is with all people,” summed Papa. “Many years ago there used to be terrorists who would attack our country, and we thought they were bad people. So we wanted to kill them in return. We didn’t know they were just feeling overwhelmed by fear put in them by misguided men, and they were frightened we weren’t paying attention to their need for food, schools, medical care and such. In those days, we didn’t get it that feeling hopeless leads to violence and these men needed our understanding and forgiveness.”

“You might remember there was a time we kept people with dark skin as prisoners, and didn’t see their pain. We called them slaves. They eventually forgave us and helped us change.”

“Oh, ya. I remember now.” the boy said thoughtfully. “And before that, our ancestors invaded the new continent, overpowered most of the natives, and stole the land.”

“Yes, we killed between 7 and 12 million Native Americans then.”

“Because we were scared, right?”

“Yep. And because of greed, which is just another form of fear. Believe it or not, there was time when we wanted something, we just took it. We had guns and they didn’t, so we could overpower them and get our way. It didn’t enter our minds then that they were important people just like anyone else.”

Papa continued, “Every race has struggled to be accepted at one time or another. Sometimes it was the Jews, sometimes Hispanics, sometimes Asians. immigrants of every kind came to what we then saw as “our” country and some people wanted to keep them out. You know why by now, buddy…”

“Scared, right?”

“You got it. Anyway, it took us a long time to understand what Jesus meant when he said, “Love one another, as I have loved you.”

“Wow, that’s sad, Papa. You know, when I told Peter I was sorry he had a rough time on that test and listened to how tough things were at home, I could tell he saw me differently. My body healed, but more important, our relationship healed.”

“Yes, and I’ve noticed that’s the way you treat everyone now.”

“Papa?”

“What, Snapper?”

“I’m glad we’ve learned to love and be sensitive to what people need. The world’s such a peaceful, warm place when we remember everyone is God’s child and we’re here to share what we have with others who have less.”

“Yep, when Jesus came to earth, he came not just for white people or rich people, or people who had learned to treat others with sensitivity and caring. He came for the outcasts, the lonely, the disadvantaged, the hurting, and those who had not yet learned how to love others. Since then, your generation has learned how to do that. To us old folks, it’s a mighty pretty picture.”

“Thanks, Papa.”

“You’re welcome Snapper. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Papa. I love you.”

“Thanks, Snap, I know. You love everyone,” he said with a nod. “Just the way Jesus wanted it…”

(David Larson is a Licensed Psychologist and Personal Life Coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

From Guilt to Freedom: Getting Our Lives Back

2010-11-14T13:39:00.000-08:00

We all make mistakes. We misjudge. We say things that hurt. We make choices in our anger that we later regret. We may think inside, “I didn’t mean it!”, but it’s too late – the action or words cannot be undone.

There is nothing wrong with regretting certain actions or choices. It’s good to see when we’ve hurt people and it’s good to make amends.

For many of us, however, we experience guilt as more than a passing experience tied to a recent event. We seem to get caught in it. Instead of feeling guilty occasionally, we may discover that we visit the Land of Regret frequently. When we do, it is a pattern.

Why do we do this?

For some of us, it may just be habit. We saw it modeled in our childhood home. We may have had a parent that handed out “guilt trips” and we are used to it. When we moved away from home we continued the pattern by guilt tripping ourselves.

Others of us feel guilty because we unknowingly hang on to the belief that the past can be changed. Our guilt arises out of the fantasy that if we continue to feel bad about something, it will erase it, fix it, or will help us find a way to make it better. Although this belief is erroneous, none-the-less, it is still powerful. If we believe the past cannot be changed, we would see no value in continuing to feel guilty, and we would let it go. The truth is we only do what we think will bring us what we want. We often desperately want to change what we’ve done. The hope, the illusion, that the past can somehow be magically changed can live deep within us for many years.

Others use guilt as a way of “paying for” what they’ve done. It’s self-punishment. Inherent in this is a belief that errors deserve punishment, and that it is noble to apply this punishment to ourselves.

Others yet see guilt as a way of trying to change themselves, to motivate themselves to “never do it again.” When we do this we succumb to the unconscious belief that feeling bad has more power to help us make different choices in the future than forgiving ourselves.

So the beginning of managing guilt is this: We must identify what we are intending to accomplish by continuing to embrace it.

If your reason is habit, are you giving up your right to choose what you believe and allowing old family patterns to become your own? How long before you make your own choices consciously? Do you want to keep this habit or discard it?

If your belief is that feeling guilty can change the past, can you let yourself know in a tender and sensitive way that no amount of guilt can change what’s already been done?

If you are one of those who believe that guilt cannot change the past, yet you hang onto it, are you doing this for self-punishment? When will you be punished enough? Do you believe that mistakes need to be punished? How about letting yourself be human and realize the following truth: You always do the best you can in any moment. Once you grasp this, the reason for punishing yourself evaporates, for how could anyone deserve punishment for doing their best?

Are you one who guilts yourself for motivation? Continuing to make yourself feel bad drains you of energy that is needed for you to make better choices in the future. When we feel good about ourselves rather than bad about ourselves, it strengthens our chance of choosing more loving actions the next time around. The positive energy in loving ourselves with forgiveness and tenderness will not only be more powerful, it will feel much better too!

(David Larson, M.S., L.P., C.P.C.C., is a Psychologist and Life Fulfillment Coach. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

Voting Your Faith

2010-10-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

Following Jesus is what I live for. Jesus was a liberal, an extraordinary one for His time; even for ours. Defending women, supporting children, confronting those who would judge or condemn minorities, fighting for equality and respect for all human beings, loving all, and forgiving everyone, Jesus presents for us a challenging calling.

I have noticed one political party seems to live out these values more readily than the other. One stands up for the disadvantaged, protecting the less fortunate from the more powerful, encouraging sharing wealth rather than hording it individually, seeks to provide better education for our children, providing homes to the homeless, food to the hungry and medical care to those who need it, and confront abusers of minorities.

The other often fights against these causes, supporting and defending the well-off at the expense of the middle class and poor, works to defeat education funding, supports big oil, fights against environmental concerns, and promotes prejudice and attack against minorities, especially if they come from another country or have a different sexual orientation than their own.

I want truth instead of cover-up, peace instead of war, freedom from verbal, emotional or physical attack instead of self-righteousness, and a caring for God’s great creation of the earth and our fellow human beings. I want consideration for others instead of “looking out for number one,” compassion towards others instead of judgment, looking to needs of our neighbors instead of keeping our riches to ourselves. I want sensitivity to the one another’s circumstances, striving to help rather than excluding others, to be welcoming instead of rejecting, to give people freedom to be as God created them, to believe what makes sense to them instead of needing them to be like me.

There is an openness in one Party that attracts me, in the same way I am attracted to Jesus. There is a harshness and coldness in the other major Party that seems quite unlike Jesus. It often confuses me when Christians of one party attack Christians of the other Party as if they are on the wrong side. Is it possible God loves both Democrats and Republicans equally?

There is a hymn that exhorts, “They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love” of our fellowman. (Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela) We will not be recognized as followers of Jesus by how we hate our fellowman (Beck, Limbaugh).

Jesus made his message as clear as he could when he told us the most important things in life are, “Love the Lord your God…and your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt:22:36-39)

Mudslinging against gracious politicians, destroying the land, polluting the air, misrepresenting facts, abusing power, condemning - even killing - gays, blacks, Muslims, Jews, hispanics, instead of responding to their need, is diametrically opposed to following Jesus.

Loving, forgiving, responding to, welcoming, praying for, serving, fighting for, speaking out to protect, giving to, and wishing everyone the blessings we have ourselves - IS following Jesus.

Which Party reflects that for you?

Conflicting Freedoms Present Challenge to USA

2010-10-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

Most of the time I use my travel time on planes to go over upcoming presentations, read, or catch up on sleep. Fight #395 to Sacramento turned out to be different.

Next to me sat a man headed to the West Coast on business, a casually dressed Canadian with surprisingly white skin. After trading hellos, I quickly discovered this man was interested in a conversation.

“Mind if I ask you a question?” he said to me after confirming I was a US resident.

“Sure, go ahead,” I replied.

“What’s with you Americans and guns?”

“What do you mean?” I returned.

“Nearly half of the world’s guns in existence are owned by your 4% of the world’s population, and more than half of the firepower in other countries around the world comes from your factories,” he said.

“You have the most gun deaths per capita (that is, per 100,000 people) of the 36 industrialized countries of the world. Your per capita death rate is higher than Brazil, Yemen, and Mexico, three of the most violent nations of the world. At more than 30,000 deaths a year, you lose six times as many lives by firearms every year than the total number of your soldiers killed in the entire Iraq War.”

After taking a deep breath, I quickly did the math in my head. I couldn’t fault him on any of his points.

From a different perspective, I knew that more people die on our streets and in our homes every 2 years than the number of service men and women that died in the 16 years of the Viet Nam war combined - more than 80 people a day. Multiply that by 3 to comprehend the number of accompanying injuries from guns.

These practices seemed pretty barbaric to my seat-mate. He was curious as to why we are the only civilized country in the world to promote the ownership of handguns by regular citizens.

“Why do you allow this to go on?” He was serious, looking me straight in the eye.

“In the United States, we believe in a freedom that allows its citizens to purchase and carry guns. In fact,” I continued, “this freedom was recently reviewed and upheld in our Supreme Court.”

“In Canada, we believe in freedom too,” he responded, “but not the freedom to kill each other. Thirty years ago, we had around 1000 gun deaths a year (less than two weeks worth in the US). This bothered us, so we instituted tougher regulations, and gun deaths decreased by 50%.”

“You’d benefit a lot in fighting crime too,” he went on. “You lead the world in the amount of criminal activity you allow at the hands of untraceable firearms. One third of all armed criminal acts in the USA involve the use of unregulated guns.”

He was accurate again.

“Many of our citizens like to shoot their own food, enjoy hunting as a sport, and feel more protected if they own a gun,” I countered.

“Yes, I understand,” he said, “but why don’t you promote stricter gun regulation, as nearly 50 other countries have successfully, as a way of protecting both the sport and your fellow citizens?”

“Besides, owning a gun doesn’t make you safer. Studies show that a person is more likely to be killed with a gun if they have one in their home than if they don’t.”

He was right again. Depending on the study and location, American gun deaths and injuries are on average, 2 – 3 greater in homes that possess guns as opposed to those who don’t.

I thought back to a psychology student I had at Riverland College a few years ago who had given a report on the need for greater gun control, who, ironically, was later killed with a handgun by her husband.

As our discussion continued, it became more disquieting to me: America experiences a loss of life from citizen-owned guns equal to a 9/11 every 33 days, except for two things: (1) the deaths occur one by one scattered across the country, so we don’t notice it as much, and (2) we are doing it to ourselves.

My plane-mate excused himself to go to the restroom.

Why do we allow this to go on I wondered? Is our fear misplaced, given that our weapons are more likely to kill a family member than an intruder? Does our pride in gun ownership justify maintaining a freedom that kills of more of our citizens at home than our soldiers abroad? Was it the big money lobby that allows the powerful to have their way at the expense of the 2/3 of Americans that want stronger gun control? Has the right to have a gun become more important than the right to life for 30,000 people a year? How do we balance the concerns of the sportsman and an individual citizen’s fear of harm, with the protection of the rest of society?

I guess I had no answers. But for some reason, it seemed difficult to sleep after that.

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist and life coach. He can be contacted at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)

Why This Independent Is Voting Democratic This Year

2010-10-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

“It’s common for Americans to vote against their own best interest.”

- Pursah

Over the years I have refrained from joining any political party in order to sustain some sense of objectivity in evaluating the issues. By remaining a political independent, I have discovered I can hear facts, that in belonging to either the Republican or Democratic Party, I might be unable to acknowledge. Besides, perhaps like many of you, the personal attacks and negativity that have become standard campaigning protocol by members of both parties represent a style of leadership I do not support.

This year, however, I have decided to vote primarily democrat. I would like to tell you why.

I have been particularly observant of a momentum toward conservatism in recent months that has surprised me a bit, especially considering both historical perspectives and the recent realities we’ve been experiencing as a nation.

What President Obama has been able to accomplish in his short time in office has been jaw-droppingly amazing to me. Out of dozens of achievements that could be highlighted, I cite here only a few:

Sweeping Health Care Reform that allows millions of Americans to receive the health care they need, while putting sick people previously unable to work back on the job to pay taxes and help reduce our debt.

Implementing the Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act to prevent any more bailouts.

Ending the war in Iraq.

Successfully confronting the banks and credit card companies in providing consumer protection through the Credit Card Reform Act.

Restoring the image of America abroad by becoming again a team player with other nations.

Taking serious steps to promote the long awaited United States’ participation in a world-wide focus on addressing global warming.

Putting more than 2 million people back to work and bringing into reality the building of bridges, repairing of roads, funding education, promoting alternative energy resources, and providing incentives for new forms of massive transit through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.

Fully funding the Veteran’s Administration and providing compassion and long overdue funding to families of fallen soldiers.

Saving the failing auto industry while keeping thousands of Americans employed and Americans buying American-made.

Delivering a stimulus package that provided a tax cut to 95% of American workers.

Presiding over a gain of more than 22% in the stock market.

Orchestrating the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Agreement Review with 47 other nations, moving us as a world out of stalemate into international cooperation toward eliminating nuclear weapons from the planet.

Expanded loans for small businesses, programs to protect the environment, college aid funding for needy students, and improved Medicare coverage for seniors

In checking through sources such as Politifact.com, I was reminded that Obama has fulfilled 122 of his campaign promises in less than two years.

In addition, seven of ten economic indicators have improved since Obama began taking action, showing signs of a true economic recovery. (Businessweek)

This, in my mind, is remarkable achievement.

Although there is still much work ahead, our forgetfulness and impatience can easily mislead us. Remember, it took Clinton 5 years to turn the largest national deficit in history into a surplus. If Clinton’s plan had been allowed to continue, the projected national debt was to have been eliminated by 2010 (yes, now). However, George W. Bush, in his first year of office, immediately reversed this surplus by way of new tax cuts to the rich - 70% of federal tax-cut money went to the top 2% of wealthiest Americans (New York Times).

We have been struggling to recover ever since. Since George W’s deficit spending was three times that of his father’s, Obama’s challenge is greater than Clinton’s. It is reasonable to expect it will take a while to turn this deficit around.

But the problem has not only been recent. It has, in fact, been consistent. Since the 1960’s, the last 4 Democratic presidents have brought the deficit down, while the last 4 Republican presidents have increased the deficit substantially. In fact, as msnbc reported, 2/3 of our total national debt was created during the reign of the last 3 republican presidents – more than twice as much as all other US presidents combined. Despite the fact that Republicans like to tote an image that they are good at controlling spending, history shows that they consistently outspend their Democratic counterparts.

It’s not that Democrats don’t spend money. However, they tend to spend it on things that respond to human need, improve the economy and create jobs. (Remember, Bill Clinton created more jobs than any other president in history – more than 22 million).

We need to keep philosophies in government that represent progress, not set-back. That’s why this year, I am supporting demonstrated effective policy by voting Democratic.

Many Republicans have good ideas. The Republican strategies, however, need to be tempered by historically demonstrated Democratic compassion and effectiveness, and a continued “yes we can,” not “no we won’t” thinking.

Unless we can commit to voting at the polls from reason and thoughtfulness, instead of from fear and hype, it’s possible we may once again end up voting against our own best interest.

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist, life coach, and leadership trainer. He can be contacted at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)

Making the Most of the Time You Have Left

2010-10-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Do all you can, with what you have, in the time you have, in the place you are.

-Nkosi Johnson, twelve year old Zulu boy, living with AIDS

Tom arrived at the local radio station a little late. He was to begin his usual midnight shift as a talk show host.. He was tired, wishing he could just go to bed and sleep like most people do on a Friday night.

“I hope I get some good discussions tonight,” he thought as he checked over last minute responsibilities before going on the air.

The usual conversations unfolded. People having trouble sleeping called in to share their woes, or just talk to pass the time. Some spoke of political concerns or relationship problems. But nothing prepared him for the call he got from Sam just before dawn.

“You see,” said Sam, “I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic,” he told Tom. “The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on the average, folks live about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.”

“It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.”

Sam’s voice became more focused.

“So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.”

“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”

Tom’s ears were really perked by now.

“Tom, this morning I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday, then I have been given a little extra time. After all, half the people my age are already gone.”

Sam hung up with Tom still a little off balance. He thought about that call the rest of his shift, as sun began to dawn on his own Saturday, and has done the same almost every Saturday since then.

How much time did he have left, he wondered? What was he doing with the present moment he had? Where did he focus his energy and time? If he had a marble jar, how close would he be to his last marble?

How about you?

What would you do tonight, this weekend, if you were on your last marble?

Do it now.

How do you know you haven’t already used your last marble?

What will you do about that?

(Story adapted from an unknown source by David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C. He can be contacted at 507-373-7913, or at his website, http://www.callthecoach.com/.)

Love Never Ends Video

2010-09-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

http://gallery.me.com/davidlarson3/100069

Keeping Marriage Alive 5: Sustaining Real Love

2010-09-03T19:01:00.001-07:00

(This is the final column in a five part series on keeping the life in our intimate relationships.)

Most of us have high expectations of married life. We gather up a host of hopes and dreams and put them into one basket called marriage.

It stands to reason, when you think about it. When we are dating, our passions are a flame, adrenaline is flowing, and we have the courage to dream of a future filled with the completion of our heart’s desires.

In a way, you might say, biology plays a trick on us. Our hormones are raging and physiologically we are wired for optimism, excitement, and dreams come true. Our friends and family often join in the excitement, sharing in our heart-felt aspirations.

In addition, we see the happiness of those joining together in elaborate (or at least uniquely special) preparations and ceremonies on TV and in the movies, scenes carefully crafted to fit romantic ideals, with any hints of disappointment or the challenges of actually working out a relationship overlooked or left out.

Yes, we are programmed for high expectations. We emphasize joy, and resist thinking about the challenges. Potential disappointments are minimized. We have the confidence that love will conquer all.

Gradually, real life hits us. The bills come. We have problems on the job. The car breaks down; laundry piles up. Another diaper to change. Another feeding at 3am. We get tired. We get the flu. The checkbook bounces. So many distractions now. Hard to keep focused on our most important friend – our spouse.

Now we’re just living together. We stop talking. Where did that specialness go? The dream starts slipping away. It’s harder than we thought. It takes more work now. What’s wrong with us, we think.

We start to pick at our mate because we’re disappointed. We see his/her shortcomings. Why can’t she change that harping? Why doesn’t he listen to me? Where did the spark go? We slip into ordinary. This is not what we signed up for. Now what?

Hang on . . .there’s hope! Yes, we can get it back! We don’t have to “settle”. What we do need is time to get refocused.

The challenge here may be that we forgot we married to serve. When we were engaged, we thought, “I want to make you happy.” Lately we’ve been thinking, “I’m not happy with him.” The distractions and responsibilities are real, yes. Yet, this is the challenge and gift marriage gives us. How can I continue to love with zest and enthusiasm when the stakes get higher, when I’m no longer receiving the attention I once did from my special one?

One possibility lies in renewing my commitment. This is when I remember I married in order to support and care for, because I wanted to give, because I wanted someone to love.

So the important questions become: What am I no longer doing that I once did that kept our relationship exciting? Am I willing to do these things again? How can I surprise her? What meant the most to him earlier in our relationship? What does he/she need from me now?

This kind of love takes effort, more effort than it took in the beginning. But that’s OK. It’s still worth it. I have been given someone to love. It is part of my purpose on this planet. I will not forget this. I will remember there is joy in serving, in giving, in planning how to make someone’s life special. It remains a mission. I will help my mate grow into the best he/she can be. I realize I made this commitment in the beginning, and that this commitment was part of what brought juice to our relationship.

How will I treat my mate special today, tomorrow, this week?

I will spend 5 minutes today thinking about how to be love to my spouse. I will emphasize it. I will initiate, because I know I want the spark back. I will talk about my wishes with my spouse. I will ask what he/she needs. I will tell him/her what I

We will dream again together. We can! We can again have common goals and desires, and work together to achieve them. I will see a counselor or marriage coach if I need to. I’m open to receiving help. I will not be stopped.

What is it you both need? What is it you both want? Remember the old adage, “United we stand, divided we fall.” Around what goal can you get united? How can you make it fun to work at it together?

(David Larson, licensed psychologist, is a counselor and personal coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com)

Keeping Relationships Alive 4: Letting Go of Grudges

2010-09-01T04:55:00.000-07:00

(This is the fourth in a five part series on keeping the life in our intimate relationships.)

“When my wife’s upset with me, she sometimes doesn’t talk to me for a couple of weeks,” said one concerned client. “That’s a long time to be in the dog house.”

Yes, indeed! Moments shared with those we love are too precious to squander on prolonged bickering, cold shoulders, and “the silent treatment.”

As I mentioned in a previous section in this series, people often automatically perceive conflict as a problem in a relationship. Conflict itself can be valued because it is evidence that individuals are bringing forth their uniqueness. We realize this may clash with our own. It is not the presence or absence of conflict that signals the health of a relationship, but rather how those moments of conflict are resolved.

If the disagreement leads to deeper understanding of the other person’s perspective on life, an appreciation for that person’s uniqueness, stimulation for growth on the part of both parties, and is worked through in a spirit of respect, the conflict moves the relationship forward.

Conflict becomes a drain on a relationship if the disagreement is used as a mechanism to hurt the other person, tear someone down, see one’s self as “better than,” or does not get resolved promptly.

One of the practices that burdens a relationship is when the pain on either or both sides is not acknowledged, and the negative energy is held within. There is little that will stop a romance faster than holding a grudge. If we are to keep love alive in our marriage, we need to develop the skill of letting go of hurts and disappointments. This is much easier said than done, of course, so let me share a few hints that may help.

1) Let’s consider that our mate, no matter how great he or she is, will not always be able to understand our point of view. We need to have other relationships to reach out to for support that go beyond our mate. When we seek support from others, we can find release in expressing our frustration, and receive support for hanging onto our own self-esteem while our concerns are being worked out. Since we all experience frustration in this area, we can know we are not alone in this struggle.

2) If no one is available to talk to, then we can do something with the pent up energy so it does not depress or distract us from other important activities, such as attending to our children. We can write out our feelings, journal, walk, run, practice a tension releasing breathing technique or yoga, take a hot bath, or use the energy to get something done, like the laundry, the dishes, the lawn, cleaning out the garage or a closet.

3) We can practice seeing the love behind the behavior. Often people have good intentions, but their choice of sharing their love does not fit with what we need. Correcting our spouse, giving advice, even yelling at them, for some people, can be a way they have learned to treat those they love. So don’t take anything personally, and realize that behind that facade of temper, forgetfulness, or insensitivity, is a special creation of God who is trying his or her best to get what they need too. Our partner needs our compassion and understanding as much as we need theirs.

4) Consider lightening up a bit. Sometimes we trap ourselves by taking life too seriously, by making “mountains out of molehills”. We can learn to laugh at ourselves and each other in an appreciative way. Forgive easily. Remind yourself "It is what it is." Let the fun come through.

5) We can keep communicating with our mate. We can approach him/her frequently with statements like, “I want to clear up this little spat we’ve been having”, or “I want you to know how I need to be treated to warm up to you”. We can write a letter if talking doesn’t seem realistic at the moment. This will allows us to choose our words carefully and give the other person time to think about what we’ve said and to respond rather than react.

Note: The goal of understanding and loving our mate does not mean allowing ourselves to be mistreated. If you are in an emotionally, spiritually, mentally, or physically abusive relationship, seek out help immediately to recover the positive life you were created to experience.

(David Larson, Licensed Psychologist, is a counselor and personal coach. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com)

Keeping Marriage Alive 3: No Gain in Blame

2010-08-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

(This is the third of a five part series in keeping the life in our intimate relationships.)

For any of us it seems, it’s easier to see the shortcomings in our mate than to see our own. We can be very quick to cite our disappointment in something our partner has said or done, believing it is their behavior that produces our dissatisfaction. This, however, is a myth.

When we were first in love, we may have seen the other person as the one who was “making us happy”. It would be more accurate to say it was the other person who helped us see the beauty already present in ourselves. If we believe that it was our partner who “made us happy”, then we will tend to see our partner as the one who makes us sad. This is what is referred to as “co-dependency”.

In a co-dependent relationship, we think life satisfaction comes from someone outside ourselves. Our expectations are high for the other person to be sensitive to our feelings, to stop drinking, to put their clothes away, to cut back on using the charge card, to respond to our sexual desires, and so on. If they don’t, we get mad, resentful, hurt, depressed even.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting things. In fact, it’s important to know what we want, and to ask for what we want. The rub comes when our wants become expectations for the other person to fulfill.

Herein lies a key distinction. It is important we are clear about what we want, and request, but do not demand our spouse be the one to fill this longing.

If I need help with the dishes, it’s important for me to ask. Not demand, not criticize, not complain. This is taking personal responsibility. If I need more help with the kids, I sit down with my partner and we talk through a plan that acknowledges the needs and desires of both partners. We negotiate to a “win-win” solution. This is taking personal responsibility. If my partner does not respond to my requests, I share my feelings about it, not scold, not yell, not blame.

If my partner continues to ignore my requests, I ask myself why I put up with such insensitivity. I put the focus on me. I return to acknowledge what my partner helped me see in the beginning – my worthiness of respect. Instead of expecting something from someone who does not want to give it, I take responsibility to give it to myself – I respect me. I call a friend to vent; I journal in my diary; I get support elsewhere. If this is still not working, I get counseling and keep reaching for a better life.

By taking responsibility to do my part in a respectful way, I sidestep the frustration and blame, and create the space for romance to flourish.

Action Step: Today, I will re-think how directly I ask for what I want in my relationship. Do I use a whiney voice? An angry one? Is there judgment in my words or tone? How can I clean it up? Am I willing to meet my mate in the eyes and let my feelings be known, expecting a positive response?

Today, I will tell my partner how meaningful our relationship is to me, and why it’s important for me to be heard. I am willing to listen back. I negotiate and compromise. I don’t complain. . . I explain. I believe in a positive outcome. It’s very likely my mate wants a happy marriage too. How can I appeal to that side of him or her to instill more cooperation? In short, what will I do to take care of myself in my marriage today?

(David Larson, licensed psychologist, is a counselor and life enrichment coach. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com

Everything Is Energy

2010-08-19T11:53:00.001-07:00

Keeping Relationships Alive 2: Appreciating Conflict

2010-07-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

(This is the second in a series of five columns on keeping our intimate relationships juicy.)

Some imagine that the perfect marriage is one in which there is no tension, where everything stays on an even keel - no disruptions. If something is not going our way, we think something is wrong. We find ourselves interpreting disappointments as problems. We tend to see conflict as bad.

Today I invite us to consider marriage a partnership where each individual nudges the other to grow, to see things a little differently, where we expand each other’s perceptions of the possibilities. There is evidence of strength in our marriage when our mate helps us become a better person than we were yesterday. This means we are challenged to stretch out of our comfort zone, to be more sensitive to our mate, to be confronted. Our partner is one of our greatest teachers. Part of our calling as a mate is to be a willing student.

Our partner may be giving us opportunities to learn patience. Perhaps he or she can help us see a different point of view. Maybe our partner is there to give us practice in not taking things personally. Perhaps he/she is there to prompt us to develop assertiveness skills by declaring more clearly what is important to us. Maybe we will become more appreciative of diversity as we see how different our partner is from us.

Conflict is an opportunity for growth. Often our partner mirrors back to us the precise things in ourselves we have trouble seeing without help. Our mate is someone who can be honest with us about things most people would not care enough to mention. Their honesty, given with respect, is one of their greatest gifts to us.

Even if your partner is frequently disrespectful or insensitive, it may be your chance to learn to stand up for yourself, to claim yourself as valuable enough to fight for you.

Some of you may discover you are in an abusive relationship. You may have found this relationship so that you can learn something by leaving it. All relationships are gifts, even when they don’t feel good.

So here’s this week’s challenge: What has bugged you about your partner?What gift is there in this irritation for you? What underdeveloped part of you is being called forth by this disappointment or conflict? How can you be a better person because of who this person is in your life?

David Larson is a marriage coach and psychologist. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website,www.callthecoach.com

Keeping Relationships Alive 1: Honoring Uniqueness

2010-07-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

What drains a marriage, and what brings life to it? In this series I am addressing several common stumbling blocks that threaten our relationships, as well as thoughts about responding to these concerns.

One common pitfall that would spring a leak in our marriage boat is our attempt to make our partner like ourself. For the most part, human beings have an egocentric nature. We tend to interpret life events from our own perspective and believe our way of doing things to be right. This is the time to remember that there are often many right ways to do most things. Looking for the one right way can be self-limiting. Defending one right way can mean distancing ourselves from our partner.

Sometimes disagreements are about little things, like where to hang the towels, or how to clean the bathroom. Other times the issues are bigger like how to spend the paycheck this week or how to discipline a child. The truth is there are many effective ways to clean a bathroom or discipline a child. If I am willing to let my mate do it his/her way more often, I may be able to side-step a lot of needless hassle, and save that energy for something more productive – like looking for what my mate is doing well.

It is helpful to us to remember that our mate is a unique individual. In fact, it was this uniqueness that we once thought made this person "special". We admired our partner’s esteemed attributes and chose this person because we thought he/she was the best of all the choices we had encountered. Remember, the celebration of diversity is the spice of life in all communities, whether those communities are towns, churches, workplaces, or families.

It is important to know we do not have to "win" over our special one to our position. Our own opinion or feeling about something is very valid, as valid as our spouse's opinion or feeling. Harmony does not mean agreement. It means respecting and blending the differences to make something more beautiful. A C-note does not argue with an F-note on a musical scale. Both are uniquely different and both have something wonderful to offer. Together they may sound quite complimentary. The combination of the two may, in fact, enhance certain chords, such that if one were missing, the impact would be disappointing.

This week, then, make a conscious effort to appreciate your spouse's uniqueness. Do not insist on making your way their way. Observe and enjoy the variety of experiences your different personalities bring to your home. In fact, count them. Make a tick or a check mark on your calendar, notebook, or fridge for every time you notice a special offering from your mate to you or your family. It may be a look of love, the hugging of a child, telling a joke, sweeping the floor, picking up socks. Count up those marks at the end of the week (and month!) Let yourself smile as you see yourselves as equals, yet different, celebrating a partnership that enhances you both.

David Larson, licensed psychologist, is a marriage coach, counselor, and leadership trainer. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com)

Sometimes It's Even Better Than You Expect

2010-07-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, you have one of those experiences you know you’ll never forget.

Such was the case for me in visiting the Palace Grill in Old Town Santa Barbara. A taste of New Orleans in a small California city, they don’t take reservations - you show up and stand outside on the sidewalk, waiting for an opening to appear from a packed house of hungry, delighted souls enjoying a wide variety of Cajun cuisine. No worries, though, as the waiting patronage seems to consist of excitedly friendly folks all anticipating their turn to sample the hot appetizers served cheerfully on the house by a staff voted 22 years in a row as the best in Santa Barbara.

We were greeted and seated at our table by the owner, a black man dressed in a polo shirt and beads, with a smile that made me think he’d been waiting for us all night long. As I pass the large framed paintings of Bourbon Street-type horn players, I notice the fascinating aromas wharfing over the partition of the open kitchen where scrumptious meals are being prepared over open fire. I look up to see a giant shark light fixture beaming a soft light, exposing the smiles of couples romanced by the delectable tastes of flavorful fish, stake, or pasta combinations placed before them by the cheery waiters and waitresses. I look up to see the ace of hearts tacked above my head among assorted cards distributed all over the ceiling.

The first of many servers arrives to give us an assortment of five specialty mini-muffins including orange-apricot, molasses-date, and buttermilk-rosemary. We order a starter of coconut shrimp, which ended up being large enough to be an entree in itself. My Catfish Creole with crawfish was trumped only by Carol’s Chicken Marsala with a vegetable blend consisting of carrots and green squash in a seasoned butter sauce, braised to perfection.

Before finishing our main course, another waitress set down a portfolio next to each of our plates as if she had already prepared our bill. I thought it was a bit early for the check, but we were instructed not to open it until we were told, so we continued our conversation about the delectable tastes of various mushrooms, seasonings, and spices.

At precisely 8 o’clock, the entire staff of waiters, waitresses, chefs, busboys, cooks & greeters paraded out in the dining room scattering themselves as if to make some kind of presentation.

In moment we begin to hear Louie Armstrong’s voice come over the loudspeakers singing “What a Wonderful World” as we are instructed to open our portfolios containing the lyrics to the song and sing along. The entire restaurant bellowed robustly as we were reminded of the many blessings we all have, including the incredible meals we were currently eating. At that moment, I felt “at home,” realizing these servers had just knit together a bunch of strangers who had never met each other, unified in gratitude. The song lyrics were collected and we all continued our in culinary adventures.

A while later, someone broke out in a happy birthday song and the entire dinning room spontaneously joined in to wish the happy soul an inspiring celebration, followed by unanimous applause.

We finished the evening with a bread pudding soufflé with creamed whiskey sauce. We exited the restaurant fully understanding why all those people coming out the front door while we had been waiting to go in were oozing such joy.

It’s as if we had gone in and out of a dream, not sure if what we had just experienced really happened, but the smiles on our faces and the lightness in our hearts gave a clue that the experience was indeed the real thing.

Sometimes life just can’t get any better.

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a Licensed Psychologist and Life Coach. He can be reached at 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com)

Affirming What You Want Determines What You Get

2010-06-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

An affirmation is a thought or statement that affirms what is true or will be true shortly. Many people repeat affirmations to themselves to help them change inaccurate beliefs they have adopted through misinformation or misinterpretation of experiences.

Since our beliefs create our reality, taking responsibility to manage our thoughts and words determines our ability to cope with what’s happening in any given moment, and impacts what we experience in the future.

Affirmations are most powerful when stated positively, in the first person, are brief and to the point, and are repeated often. Just like with negative statements, when said with emotion and conviction, their power increases substantially.

Earl Nightingale said, “We become what we think about all day long.” If this is true, it would be wise to follow the wisdom of the knight advising Indiana Jones in “The Last Crusade.” When faced with picking from a host of chalices the one that would determine if he would live or die, he was advised, “Choose wisely.”

Just as Indiana’s choice determined his fate, so do our choices determine ours.

We can create our own affirmations at any time to affirm what we want to manifest in our life. If you would feel supported by a few suggestions to start with, borrow from my list below.

Here is an affirmation for every day of the month. Feel free to cut them out or copy and put it on your refrigerator or mirror for daily reminders. Practice saying them to yourself or out loud with a smile on your face and hope in your heart. You do not have to believe affirmations from the beginning. As you notice your statements turn out to be true over time, your faith will come! Start with the ones that attract you most, and enjoy the adventure.

Everything’s going perfectly.
I live in an abundant universe. I always have everything I need.
My thoughts are loving and positive.
Good things come to me easily.
I’m always in the right place at the right time.
I congratulate myself often.
I forgive myself, knowing I always do the best I can at the time.
I love getting there as much as being there.
Everything’s right on schedule.
I have all the money I need and want.
I focus on what I love and thus draw it to me.
I spend quiet, reflective time. I hear my inner guidance.
I find the lesson in every experience.
I am a special and unique person.
I let God love others through me every day.
I let go easily, trusting that nothing leaves my life unless something better is coming.
I change the world around me by changing myself.
I give generously to myself.
I love and appreciate myself just as I am.
The more I love myself, the more love I have available to give others.
My energy is focused and directed towards my goals.
I am relaxed and centered. I have plenty of time for everything.
All things are now working together for good in my life.
I’m beautiful and loveable however I’m feeling.
It’s good to express my feelings. I now give myself permission to express my feelings.
I’m glad I was born and I love being alive.
I am now being guided to the perfect solution to this problem.
Divine love is guiding me this very moment.
I am a precious child of God.
God’s love and peace shine through me.
I have abundance in every area of my life.

As we choose our thoughts, we create our life. Enjoy!

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist and life coach. He is the founder of the Institute For Wellness. He can be contacted at 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)

Choose to Be Happy, Even If for No Reason At All

2010-05-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

I was having a particularly difficult day. You know, one of those where everybody wants you at the same time, unexpected invoices appear in your mailbox, and your body is aching due to a few bad choices from the previous day. Although it seemed I was getting three phone messages for every one I could return, I took the next call when the phone rang in front of me. A friend was on the other end of the line.

I whined a bit about my plight, blowing off a little steam. After a bit, she said, “Well, I guess today you’ll have to be happy for no reason.”

It was one of those moments when I was stopped in my tracks. It jarred me out of my illusion that the world was conspiring against me. My friend was reminding me that my joy is not dependent on what the world is dishing out at any particular time. I was reconnected with the truth that I bring my attitude to whatever is happening, not the other way around.

I know, sometimes its more fun to stay deluded. If I can blame you, the world, or God for what is going on or not going on in my life, perhaps I can dump my bad mood and pass it along to someone else. At times, it seems easier than taking responsibility to remember my attitude is the one thing I DO have control over.

Yes, sometimes it feels like more work to admit that it’s up to me to decide how I will view what comes my way. But this is usually followed by the energizing realization that being responsible for my self is very good news for precisely the same reason - I am in full control of changing my life, and no one can stop from doing so. Wow! Now that IS good news!

If you need to renew your commitment to being responsible for your attitude, where do you begin? Here are a few suggestions:

(1) Starting with a few memorized affirmations will get you out of the gate. Set your watch to beep at the top of every hour and repeat the following to yourself: “I am in control of my future. I am not a victim. I make choices that improve my life, every day, every hour.”

(2) Make a pact with a friend that you will call each other on your negative attitudes. Whenever either of you hears the other slipping into negativity, agree to remind each other that you’re committed to something different now - a new life focused on happier thoughts. With any rose, we can focus on the soft, colorful petals, or the sticky thorns. We are choosing to put more energy into noticing the petals.

(3) Keep a journal of things you are thankful for. Write in it every day. One minute a day will change your life. All of us experience disappointments, but don’t let that keep you from recalling the many things that are good in every moment. Most of us can be grateful our eyes still see, our heart still beats, there is food in the refrigerator, we are blessed with a job (or will be soon), and somebody always loves us (God, if no one else).

Even if these things are not sufficient, join me in resorting to the decision: “I will choose to be happy for no reason, and face the world from that place.”

If you need more help with this, there is even a book out titled Happy for No Reason, filled with support to reclaim your personal power to feel good.

Things are looking up! Are you?

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a Licensed Psychologist and Life Coach. He can be reached at 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com .)

Different Styles of Teaching: Which Style Are You?

2010-01-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

In the 1880’s there lived a rich rancher who was not a particularly spiritual dude. Although he claimed to be a Christian, his actions in the world made this claim a questionable one

One day a poor farmer who had no food sneaked on to the rich farmer’s land and stole a chicken so his family could eat. He was caught by the ranch hands and brought to the rancher. The rancher had little patience for him and said, “Hang ‘im! It’ll teach ‘im a lesson!”

A couple years later, a man from Mexico was trespassing on the rancher’s land. He was very poor and hoping to find a new life. Instead, what he found was the rancher’s men, who brought him to the rancher. With a snap judgment, the rancher said, “Hang ‘im! It’ll teach ‘im a lesson.”

There were many episodes in the rancher’s life like this, in which he never stopped to put himself in other people’s shoes, but simply reacted in anger and judged and condemned them, usually ending with the phrase, “Hang ‘im. It’ll teach ‘im a lesson.”

Then one night the rancher died and saw himself going up to the gates of heaven. The rancher was hoping no one would recognize him and maybe he could just walk in. But just before he got to the gate, St. Peter stepped in front of him and said, “Wait a minute, Jesus wants to talk to you.”

Now the rancher was very worried. He remembered some of the things he had done in his life, and there he was, about to be judged by Jesus himself! For the first time, the rancher was shaking in his boots. Jesus appeared, walked slowly up to the rancher, looked him in the eyes, and then said to St. Peter, “Forgive ‘im. It’ll teach ‘im a lesson.”

*******

If we have been hurt by someone, let this be a year that instead of hurting back, we forgive, and become more like Jesus. It’ll teach ‘im a lesson.

If this be a year when those with less come to us for help, a chance to work, are down on luck, or are in need of our support, let’s be understanding and compassionate, and do our best to lend a hand. It’ll teach ‘im a lesson.

Remember those who mistreat us are acting from fear or ignorance. They are not treating us as we deserve to be treated, so let’s teach them how by “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” They will not learn from our condemnation or judgment. They will learn from our example.

This year, let’s choose the higher path. This year, let’s change ourselves more than trying to change others. This year, as the great Gandhi said, let’s “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

It will require grace and empathy. It will require looking for what’s good in others. It will require using our anger to drive us into being more loving, not less. It will require us becoming more passionate about being compassionate with those we meet at work, at home, or in the community. It will require forgiveness.

Let’s go for it. “It’ll teach ‘em a lesson.”

(Story adapted from Gary Renard’s Your Immortal Reality. David Larson is a psychologist and life coach. He can be reached at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)

Holiday Stress: Keeping the Joy of the Season

2009-12-20T05:09:00.000-08:00

It is the Season of “Good News of great joy, which shall be to all people.”

Yet for many, it doesn’t feel that way. Even those who anticipate great fun over the Holidays will often feel run down, overstuffed, and worn out by the time Christmas arrives. Being on the go, trying to fill others’ expectations, even trying to fill our own, can leave us feeling pretty empty and tired by the time the ball drops to usher in the New Year.

Some of the most common stressors during this great time of Holiday Cheer include the following:

Making “getting everything done” the primary goal, rather than the fun of shared activities.

Sad memories of someone who is no longer near or of holidays when times were better.

Unrealistic expectations such as hoping this year will finally be the one Uncle Harry doesn’t have too much to drink, or that we can give everyone what they want for Christmas even through resources may be tighter this year.

Assuming too much responsibility to make the Holidays perfect for loved ones; wanting everyone to be happy so we can be happy.

Emphasizing gifts, decorating, and meals, and forgetting that people are more important than things, events, or tasks.

Feeling isolated or alone being drawn back into family get-togethers that carry unpleasant memories of days gone by.

You and I can make sure this doesn’t happen to us this year! Here are some tips for keeping the jolly in your holly.

Don’t expect perfection. If it comes, great! But if the turkey burns, or the car breaks down, or if you get snowed in somewhere, or you can’t find the gift you wanted to give, remember that life is a blessing. You made it this far. And don’t forget to laugh at yourself!

Share the workload. Don’t forget to ask for help. You are not single-handedly responsible to make everything work. Be happy for what you do get done, and don’t worry about the rest.

Remember the love of your loved ones will never die. You can never lose love. Papa’s form may have changed, but his love is always with you.

Learn to say “no” on occasion – to that extra cookie, that extra helping of potatoes, that party invitation that pushes your schedule a bit too much. Get plenty of sleep. In fact, fall asleep counting your blessings, not your problems.

Remember the choice of remaining joyful is yours. It is not dependent on anyone else doing what you want them to do. Hang onto the spirit, even if others get grumpy.

Keep your eyes on the Reason For the Season. It’s not so much about us creating the perfect Christmas as it is about remembering it’s already perfect because of the gift of the Christ Child. Remember, Jesus came into a mess, without lights and fanfare, with a quiet message of “good news, which shall be to all people.” Let the Savior into your heart, and receive the love predestined to be yours long ago.

(David Larson, MS, LP, CPCC, is a psychologist and life fulfillment coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com . )

From Jealousy to Joy by Trusting In Abundance

2009-12-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

Jealousy is a form of fear. It is based on a belief in scarcity. I see someone who has something I want – the money, the job, the sense of humor, the confidence, the relationship, the opportunity… and I long for those things to be mine as well.

When this happens to me, I notice I am believing in limitations. I am thinking if you have something I want, I can't have it too. I become aware of my resentment, jealousy's constant companion and fraternal twin.

However, if I believe in abundance - that there is enough to go around for everyone (there really is!) - jealousy can find no stronghold, for I am confident whatever you have is possible for me too - and I can start looking for how to bring it into my life any time I choose.

Jealousy is a dis-ease of “If…then.”

If I had a romance relationship like she has, then I’d be happy. If I could just get out of this romance relationship, then I’d be happy. If I could have children like her, then all will be well. When the kids move out, then I’ll be free. If I could just get a job like his, then life would be easy. If I could only quit my job, then my life will finally be in balance...

This is how I trap myself. I am letting myself believe that my happiness lies in what someone else has in their life, but I don’t yet have in mine.

Getting relief from jealousy requires that I give up my belief in scarcity and trust the abundance that is the reality of the universe. To trust the abundance is to believe there is enough for both you and me. My envy dissolves when I can rejoice in your happiness. The great paradox is the more I am delighted in your good fortune; the more good fortune comes my way.

Of whom are you jealous? Can you identify your belief that supports this feeling? Are you thinking you can't have what someone else has? How can you be sure it is not possible for you to have this in another form? Be careful. Self-fulfilling prophecies are real. If you are like me, sometimes believing something is not available to me actually blinds me from seeing it pass right in front of me.

On the other hand, when you and I believe we can have what we want, it sets in motion the circumstances required to bring it into being. Today I will let my jealousy jar me into believing in my possibilities. How about you?

How To Help Someone Who Is Suicidal

2009-10-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

One in every 10 people will suffer from depression in any given year. Sometimes depression leads to a hopeless despair and temptations to hurt or do away with one’s self.

Those who are on the brink of killing themselves share one thing in common: they have lost the ability to see hope. From their point of view, they have exhausted all possibilities of feeling better, and can see no chance for rectifying their situation or easing their suffering. Though they are mistaken there is no hope, they don’t know they are mistaken. They have lost an ability to see clearly. They are blinded by their own despair.

Most of the time, we can’t understand why someone would kill themselves because we have not been able to put ourselves in their shoes. We do not know the depth of their hopelessness, because we can still see hope.

Here are some ways to help. Know that if you are doing these things, you may be intervening to save a life.

(1) If you suspect someone may be close to destroying themselves, ASK.

“You’ve been looking pretty depressed lately. Have you thought about hurting yourself?” Do not be afraid you are giving the person the idea to kill themselves. If you’re thinking about it, most likely they’ve already thought about it too. And if they’ve been thinking about it, you can be most helpful if you know they’ve been thinking about it. Denial here does not play to anyone’s advantage.

(2) Be COMPASSIONATE, not judgmental.

“Oh, that’s silly…things aren’t that bad!” is not going to win you points. Very depressed people already feel overly criticized. They are oversensitive to any remark that would communicate you think they’re stupid or nuts. Suicidal people do not believe anyone could understand their pain, so try hard to understand it.

“I’m sorry you’re feeling so depressed. I want you to know how important you are to me, and I want you to stay alive,” is a much better approach.

(3) TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM.

Be obvious and clear. This is no time to be under-expressive. Say it, and remind them what you appreciate about having them in your life. “I’ve thought so many times how lucky I’ve been to know you…I’d like to remind you how much you mean to me…”

Then tell them in a heartfelt, honest way your appreciation for them. Be direct and notice if they are taking it in. Ask them to look you in the eyes when you’re speaking so they can see your sincerity. Suicidal people feel alienated and alone, and eye contact will help establish a connection that can help them feel better.

(4) Unless they have been abused or you already know they wouldn’t like it, TOUCH THEM.

Physical contact helps ground them with you and keeps them from dissociating. They also can feel your warmth, which is life to them. You want them to feel life around them. Sit with them, hug them, rub their back. Taking time to be with them lets them know they are important to you. They need to know this, both verbally and non-verbally.

(5) ASK THEM TO TELL YOU ABOUT THEIR PAIN.

Listen with both ears. They are needing your attention, so give it to them. They deserve attention. You are not spoiling them or coddling them by being genuinely interested in what’s bothering them. We all deserve this, and when someone is suicidal, they are in need of it right now.

Lastly, if you feel burdened by the responsibility or don’t know what else to do, get someone else’s help too. Never promise you will not tell anyone else, because you may need that option to save a life or keep yourself supported along the way. If the person is not getting relief from their pain in their association with you, help that person get to a doctor or counselor who can provide additional support.

Thank you for caring about those deep in emotional pain. Let me know if you need more support.

(David Larson is a Licensed Psychologist, Personal Life Coach, and Leadership Trainer. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

The Monkey Trap

2009-10-15T21:02:00.000-07:00

A wise hunter set up his monkey trap in the jungle. The trap did not involve guns, spears, nooses, cages, nets, or any of the typical ways animals are captured.

This hunter’s weapon was a jar.

The hunter carefully picked a ripe banana from a nearby tree and placed it in the pear-shaped jug. He then set this jar out in the middle of a clearing.

Sure enough, soon a monkey came by and saw the banana in the jar. Curiously and excitedly he reached in and grabbed the banana, embracing his prize of joy.

However, when the monkey tried to remove the banana from the jar, he found he could not pull his hand through the narrow opening with his clenched fist around the banana.

He tried to shake it off. He tried to pull it off with his feet. He ran erratically around the clearing hoping that somehow he would hit upon the secret to getting his hand – and himself – free from his self-imposed prison.

What the hunter knew that the monkey did not, was that the only way the monkey could set himself free would be to let go of the banana.

Clenching onto his perceived prize kept the monkey from noticing there was plenty of fruit on the numerous trees around him. Narrowly focusing on sweet treasure he thought he must have prevented him from receiving the abundance that surrounded him on every side.

How often do we trap ourselves like this?

What’s the banana you need to let go of to set yourself free?

What luscious want are you clasping onto that puts you in your own emotional prison?

What might be available to you if you stopped insisting on having it your way?

Can you take in that you are being taken care of, even when things aren’t going the way you think they should?

In what ways can you begin to trust that all you need is already yours?

Calming Your Life In A Stress-filled World

2009-09-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

We live in a fast-paced society, don't we? Managing work with home responsibilities, getting kids to their many activities, and struggling to make ends meet financially challenge our resourcefulness.

For many families, it seems like there is something going every night of the week. We're drawn between family and friends, between hanging out with others or staying at home, between being with family members or being left alone. If it's not the laundry, it’s the dishes or the housecleaning or the garage door repair or the computer problems or the grocery shopping or the meal-making or church activities or, or, or…

The trouble with being so busy is that it forces us to always be leaning our attention into the future. When do I have to be at my next commitment? What's next? If I pick up the kids from school and take them to piano lessons, will I make it to my doctor's appointment on time…?

We cannot place our mind both in the present and in the future at the same time. By needing to keep thinking toward the future, we have trouble remaining in the present. And it is only in the present that joy exists. Even when the future comes, many of us are thinking about the next thing we need to get to, and miss the present then!

The evidence for our society depression can be observed in this high-paced lifestyle. It used to be we enjoyed "Leave It to Beaver" and picnics in the park. Now we seem to need sex on the screen, killing in the movies, and shocking reality shows on TV to feel like we're alive. We've numbed ourselves out from the stress, and need the adrenaline rush to convince us we're having fun.

As with any addiction, the desired emotional effect fades quickly, and we must go back for more distraction to deal with our discomfort. We think the answer to our boredom lies in keeping busy, when often it is busyness that leads to boredom. There is little fulfillment in pushing from activity to activity.

The answer is simple, but not easy. Simple, because changing just one thing can really make a difference. This is it: SLOW DOWN.

I say "not easy" because most of us believe we can't, or we again tell ourselves scary stories about what will happen if we do: " I'll run out of money." " People will think I'm lazy." "Doing more means getting more out of life."

For now, begin with this

Focus your attention on your breathing.

Yep, that’s it.

You don’t have to do anything else. For this week, just pause 3 times a day for 3 minutes and focus on your breathing. Just breathe and notice. If you must do something else while focusing on your breathing, notice something of beauty in front of you, like a flower or the amazing sky.

Simple, isn’t it? Yes, but not easy. You may run into increased levels of anxiety as you begin this. You may have a gremlin in your head or in your family that will try to convince you it’s a waste of time or that it won’t work. Don’t buy into it. Conscious breathing is an effective way to practice single-minded focus, an essential element in experiencing joy.

Stop and smell the roses, my friend. There's time. Really.

(David Larson is a psychologist and personal life coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

Experiencing Relief Now

2009-09-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

"You can always cope with the now, but you can never cope with the future, nor do you have to. It doesn’t exist. It's a phantom. The answer, the strength, the right action, or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after."

-- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

We cannot have peace when our mind is in the future. We worry by creating scary stories about what could happen, might happen, or will happen. We're afraid we won't be able to control ourselves or our situation or others' decisions that affect us. We worry that our loved ones won't be safe. We worry we won't have enough money. We worry there won't be enough love. We worry about losing our jobs and about our health problems. We even worry about our own funerals!

We lack the faith we will be able to handle it.

In my e-book, How To Stop Your Anxiety Now! (http://www.how-to-stop-your-anxiety-now.com/callthecoach.htm), I ask the questions, "Do you have what you need now?" "Has there ever been a time in your life when you didn't get what you needed?"

The answer to the first question is always "yes". We have what we need in this moment. In this moment, we are alive. In this moment, we are loved. In this moment, we have the ability to improve our situation, whatever it is. ANY time in the future will always end up being a "now", and we will continue to handle it in that now, not this now.

The answer to the second question is always "no". We have always gotten what we needed to survive, or we wouldn't be here. Has it always been fun? No. Has it been painful at times? Yes. Did we always get what we wanted? No. Did we receive what we needed in that moment, in that experience, in that time, to survive, to make it to where we are today? Yes!

The point is we handled it. We always handle it. Perhaps not perfectly. Perhaps not without discouragement or loneliness or challenge. Perhaps we needed lots of support. But we did make it.

We will always make it.

After speaking one day with a woman dying of cancer, I said to her, "I don’t know if I could cope with this if it happened to me."

"Yes, you could," she said. "After all, what's the alternative to coping? Not coping? If it happened to you, you would choose to cope, because coping is better than not coping. And you'll be surprised what you'll learn you can do."

I learned something important that day. Something about my own resourcefulness, something about the power of God, and something about how my needs never go unnoticed, never go unanswered. Even in death, we are headed on to better things.

What is your concern, your worry? Has a friend betrayed you? Is your marriage under great stress? Is someone important to you very sick? Are you lonely? Do you live in constant pain? Have you been a victim of crime? Have you lost your money, your job, a loved one?

I have lived through all of these things. I believe you can too. Your trials may come in a different form, with different types of challenges. But I believe you're up to it.

Whatever we need at the time will be given to us - at that time - in that now. You don't have to worry if you can handle it. You can handle it.

Are you making it? Yes. Are you asking for enough support to make it easier on yourself? I hope so. You are more resourceful than you think.

(David Larson, C.P.C.C., is a Licensed Psychologist and Personal Life Coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

2009-08-13T16:42:00.000-07:00

Perrrrfect Role Modeling from a Cat

I find it amazing what I learn when I pause to notice what's going on around me.

For example, a whole new world has opened up to me since I started taking more time to notice the variety of aromas and fragrances there are in the world.

Do you know how many textures there are on a single orange? Do you know how many colors there are on one? If you've never noticed, you'll be surprised when you check it out !

When you see flowers, do you take time to smell them? More than once? Whenever there are flowers in our home, I smell them every day! They've helped me notice beauty around me when I could have missed it by hurrying by.

Are you like me sometimes, when I realize I am rushing so quickly toward happiness that I step over the joy that is right here, right now?

Here are some of the gifts I have received from my cats - reminders really - of how to live life with minimum stress:

Stretch several times a day.

Bathe yourself often.

Shed what is no longer useful for you.

If you have an itch, take care of it.

Take frequent naps.

Do not resist what is.

Be ready for anything.

Keep your balance at all times.

Make entertainment out of simple pleasures.

Learn to relax almost anywhere.

Know what you want.

Trust yourself.

Be curious about everything - it's the spice of life.

Take in stroking from others.

If someone is doing something that bothers you, leave.

When you want attention, ask for it gently, and persistently.

Sleep when you are tired.

Purr when you are satisfied.

Cuddle up close to the ones you love.

David Larson is a Life Fulfillment Coach. He works with people who want to live exceptional lives. He can be reached at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

2009-07-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

Will You Choose To Let Yourself Feel Good Today?

Psychiatrist Eric Berne discussed in his book, Games People Play, how we tend as human beings to set ourselves up to feel bad. It seems illogical that we would do this.Yet when I observe myself and others, I have noticed many of us seem to have an obsession for doing so.

One way we do this is to value having control over being at peace. I have often heard people say something like this: “I expect things to go wrong, so that when they do, I'm not so disappointed.” It's as if we would rather things go negatively in the future and be right, than to feel good in the present right now.

We might be like young woman I met on a plane a few years ago who was so afraid the plane would crash, she was already experiencing the fear as if we were crashing in that moment. She brought the terror of an unlikely future event into the present so she could feel bad now.

I recognize ways I have done this include reacting negatively to an unexpected bill in the mail or worrying that someone won't like me. Do you ever experience struggling with anxiety like this?

This dynamic is all unconscious, of course, so we may be surprised when we notice such a pattern in ourselves, even if we've been doing it for many years. We are like the fish who has been in water so long, it doesn't even know it's in water.

One way to cope with, and even change this self-destructive phenomenon, is to let ourselves choose conscious awareness. For example, few of us realize without thinking about it much, that now is all we have, and the future is just a fantasy. We make it up. Even when the so-called “future” comes, it is only a now in that moment. In other words, there is no way to the future. There is only experiencing the now.

So what will you do with your continual, everlasting now?

I invite you to join me in staying focused on what is good about this very moment. Let 's let go of punishing stories about our past or anticipated disappointments about the future. What's good about what's happening right now?

Even if we are in physical pain or financial turmoil, or there is stress in our job or in our relationship, there is much to focus on that is still good. We can choose this.

Remember, you have always survived every crisis thus far in your life, and you will continue to do so. Know that life itself survives - and can still thrive - within you. Let's no longer pummel ourselves about our past or scare ourselves about the future. Let's find gratitude for what is in this moment.

It's time to feel better. Right now.

2009-07-17T03:29:00.000-07:00

Love in Action: Can a Nation Learn from a Church?

Recently I attended a gathering of my church, the Southeastern MN Lutheran Synod Assembly, where representatives of 184 congregations came together to discuss what we believe and why, and sort through challenging issues of our day in light of the Christian faith we share.

In one resolution this year, Lutherans are considering a Recommendation on Ministry Policies to allow non-celibate gay or lesbian persons to serve as ordained pastors in the Church, if called by a congregation to do so. There would be no religious sanction in favor of nor restriction against allowing such a pastor to serve, and individual congregations would not be required by anyone else's proclamation to accept or reject gays. Each congregation and each bishop is supported in being bound by their own conscience to do what they think is right, without forcing any other congregation or bishop to respond in the same way.

This is a compromise of sorts, as the Lutheran Church has struggled with how to reconcile sacred scriptural texts with the realities of human experience.

Those who are familiar with the Christian faith know of the Scriptures such as Romans 13:10, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love fulfills the law," I John 4:7-8, "He who loves is born of God and knows God; he who does not love does not know God, for God is love," and Matt 22:36-39, where when Jesus was asked by the Pharisees to sum up his message in a concise statement, gave us "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Jesus did seem to spend much of his life showing us what that love meant: including people, welcoming, forgiving, supporting, encouraging, giving hope. One need only remember his protection of the prostitute who was to be stoned according to the “law” for sleeping with someone who was not her husband, or his encounter with Zacchaeus the crooked tax collector, or his association with nobody fisherman - to know that for Jesus, love meant accepting, not condemning; confronting judgment, not participating in it; and believing in the capability of all human beings to be of service, to be capable of love.

Some disagree with this understanding of Jesus, citing passages such as Lev. 18:22, Rom 1:26-27 or I Cor. 6, 9-10, all of which have been used by some faithful Christians to justify excluding, judging, and rejecting their brothers and sisters who are gay.

Thankfully, the brilliance of the Lutheran Church's Recommendation, which acknowledges the varied and often opposing passionate perspectives of Christians from both sides of the issue, calls us to be sensitive to each other's feelings. It places unity of spirit ahead of agreement on social issues, and honors the sincerity of each Christian's faith, despite different personal points of view. In this way, all are respected for their opinions, and we live the love of giving freedom to others, not controlling them. This approach allows us to continue to worship, commune, pray and support each other in living out the life and love of Jesus as each of us feels called to do, regardless of our differences. In this document, Lutherans agree to disagree.

Although Christians on neither side of this issue 'win” over the other, we remain respectful of the traditions, insights and revelations given each of us in our relationship to God. We stop fighting.

What we do end up agreeing on is that our love for each other trumps needing to have others see it our way. Caring becomes more important than being right. God's children with gay orientation not only have a chance to come “home,” but are allowed to love and serve their Creator as fervently and passionately as straights. Those opposed to welcoming gays are not forced to do so, but allowed to follow their own conscience as well. Instead of making one group wrong or right over the other, it is Love that wins, for the benefit of everyone.

Perhaps we as Americans can learn from the Lutheran Church. As fellow citizens, no matter what our positions on immigrants, poverty, taxes, or any other issue that divides us, we can come together acknowledging we are all Americans, all brothers and sisters of the same nation. In fact, it would do well for us to remember we are all citizens of the same world, all needing to be heard, loved, and kept in the family.

It is uncertain whether the Recommendation discussed here will pass at the National Church Assembly in August. But I treasure the attempt we are making to keep the love of Jesus foremost, ahead of dissenting personal beliefs about a subject on which disagreement still abounds.

May Grace rule our hearts, challenge our thinking, and guide our behavior.

2009-07-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

Guidelines for Decision Making: What Do I Do?

Recently a friend of mine asked me how I go about making decisions. I hadn’t thought about this in a while, and it proved to be an enlightening conversation. I want to share part of what I learned both about myself and from others who joined the discussion.

Perhaps the following questions will help you as you move forward to make decisions that are meaningful and aligned with who you are.

1) What choice brings me the most joy?

Of all the emotions that guide us, joy is one that is among the most powerful. When I allow joy to guide me, I discover I not only have more fun, but am moved toward what gives my life meaning. I can give much more from a full gas tank than from an empty one. The right choice for me is usually not that which leads to suffering, but rather to joy. My choice, therefore, is not so much what I should do, as much as it is about what I want to do.

2) What will help me grow?

We aren’t put on this planet to stagnate, but to increase our ability to understand, love, create, and contribute. The better choice for me is often the one that stretches me to learn, to develop a skill, or to deepen my connection with those around me. So, often when deciding which way to turn, I ask myself which choice better supports or challenges me in being a better me?

3) Does the choice I’m making energize or deplete me?

Next to the joy factor, following my energy is my most important signpost. Decisions that are right for me most often enliven me, not drain me. Whether its deciding to change jobs, accepting a volunteer opportunity, visiting relatives, or choosing a recreational activity, doing what gives me energy not only makes for a satisfying choice, but strengthens me for greater service.

4) What do I need?

This goes beyond doing what I want, but considers what will be best for me, my body, my family, or my spiritual/emotional growth. Do I need to take a nap or a work out? Do I need to visit with a friend or have quiet time with myself? Do I need more information before moving ahead? Making sure my needs are met assures I will be best positioned to respond to the needs of others.

5) What does my intuition say?

We all have wisdom within that is smarter than the logic in our heads. We can know without knowing how we know. The mind can talk us in or out of anything, but our heart knows the truth. Is it safe to venture out in this storm? Can I trust him on a date? Who do I need to forgive? More and more I’m taking time daily to listen to the still, small voice. Are you?

6) What decision brings me the most peace?

We are created to be creatures of peace and joy. As someone once said, “Joy is peace dancing; Peace is joy resting.” What brings me the most peace – to invest or not invest? To apologize or refuse to apologize. To get the job done or delay it? To hold a grudge, or the let it go?

7) Does it serve my life purpose?

If you do not know your life purpose, it is important you find out, for how can you make decisions that lead you on your journey if you don’t know where you are going? What decision aligns with your mission? What is the most loving thing to do for all concerned? What serves the greater good?

8) Is it self-loving?

Does going to school or work when I’m sick honor me? Do I eat when I’m hungry, sleep when I’m tired? Do I beat up on myself inside my head or treat myself with kindness? There is not a decision I can think of that is not enriched by including the principle of self-love. This principle is so important that Jesus himself commanded that we love ourselves as much as we love others.

9) Is it easy?

Although some decisions feel treacherous to me, particularly if they represent a conflict in my values or if I am lacking information about the consequences of my choices, many times i step over the easy choice because I think it needs to be hard. It is often helpful for me to consider: Am I following the flow or resisting what is? Do I have to put our more energy than it’s worth? Does it feel like I’m swimming up stream or floating downstream? If I’m struggling, can I let go or redirect myself? If I notice I’m pushing up-hill, can I find an easier way? Am I willing to reach out to others for support?

10) Prayer

Call it meditation if you like. Quiet time. Openness to a Higher Power. There is a force greater than ourselves, and it will assist us if we let it. Struggle is optional. Releasing worries is recommended. Not going it alone brings guidance and relief. Asking for help often yields…help!

There you are. Ten ways to get clear on everyday or infrequent-but-important decisions. Be patient with yourself. You needn’t wait to be 100% sure before deciding. Often guidance comes to me while I’m in motion. Make your choices with confidence. Know that there are no mistakes, only lessons. Follow your heart.

(David A. Larson is a licensed psychologist, personal coach, and leadership trainer. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

2009-06-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

To Teach or To Learn, That Is the Question

It was a beautiful morning in Minnesota, high 60’s and sunny. A slight breeze brushed my face as I set out on an invigorating walk around the lake.

Along the way I met a woman walking two enthusiastic small dogs, Shih Tzus I think, trotting along in a way that prompted their faithful owner to pick up the pace a little. The dogs were cute. They exuded jubilance, seemingly passionate and grateful for the opportunity to be outside, with an apparent insatiable thirst for discovering what could be around the next turn.

I noticed the woman admonishing the dogs with harsh comments like “No growling!” Jerking on the leashes she uttered, “Come on!” in a somewhat critical tone. Later, after I had turned around to head for home, I came across the same woman and her dogs, and again heard similar mutterings from owner to pets.

What struck me most is that the pristinely white dogs seemed to ignore the verbal harshness, and did not seem to take her remarks personally. They continued their happy spirit, remaining ever present to what excitement lay ahead, and never lost their enthusiasm for what possibilities their own walk around the lake held for them.

I learned a lot from the dogs that day.

How many times has someone spoken harshly to me, and I have reacted with offense, sending my own mood downward as I judged and criticized that person’s treatment of me?

What if I approached such situations like the furry friends I had observed walking around the lake? What if I just ignored the putdowns, the criticisms, the attacking words, and stayed focused on the opportunities that lay before me in the immediate present and future?

What if I refused to take anything personally and kept my attention optimistically on where I was headed rather than resenting the behavior of my ornery friend? What if I accepted people where they were at, forgave them immediately, and hung onto my own joy?

What if I knew what dogs knew, that what anybody else says or does need have no effect on my feeling good? What if I remembered that my only task is to look for what’s good, and let joy reverberate through my bones and radiate from my face?

Not long ago I was visiting my friends who have a black lab as a housemate. I noticed that this charming creature would walk up to me where I was sitting, looking forlornly into my face, hoping I would pat or scratch it’s head.

If I did not respond, she would go to the next person in the room and make the same request. If no one in the room responded to her, she would retreat to a nearby rug or corner and patiently wait for another opportunity when we might be ready to acknowledge her appeal. Her patience was remarkable. Throughout the process, she never whined, never complained. She didn’t bark or whimper, or argue in any way. She trustingly believed that what she wanted was coming her way when the time was right, and all she needed to do was keep asking.

How often can I ask and not be put off if I do not get the response I want immediately? Can I take someone’s refusal gracefully? Can I understand that people are sometimes not ready or able to respond to my requests without developing resentment toward them? Do I have the persistence to keep going after what I need, no matter how many times I am turned down? Do I believe it’s worth continuing to try?

If I am willing to learn anything from my above dog friends, I will overlook any harshness or judgments from others, forever keep my eyes on the possibilities ahead, and never give up asking for what I want. I will maintain a patient, forgiving attitude toward everyone. In this way, I can insure my best enjoyment of life, remain open to every present moment’s gifts, and stay in charge of my moods, regardless of the attitudes of those around me.

Is it our job to train the dogs, or their job to train us? Who are the most willing students?

(David Larson is a licensed psychologist, personal life coach, and leadership trainer. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

2009-06-04T22:09:00.001-07:00

Why the Economic Crisis Will Save Us

Nobody likes pain. We avoid it. We complain about it We talk about it at the coffee shop. We look for swift relief. And we judge it as bad.

A pain we all seem to be sharing lately is an economic one. The inevitable consequences of our choices over the last 30 years or so - spending beyond our means, believing the ends justify the means, compromising our integrity and values, putting money ahead of service, and believing what each of us does individually doesn't effect others - have come back to bite us.

The good news is that there is a silver lining in every challenge, and in this case, the silver lining is huge.

Consider these perspectives of where we've been:

Over-indulgence with clearing forest land for bigger houses, parking lots, and shopping malls has removed the vegetation that absorbed excess water from rain, melting snow, and storms. This has contributed to producing 1100% more wildfires, 260% more floods, and 921% more in economic catastrophe losses than 3 decades ago.

Choosing convenience and comfort over frugality and clear-headedness, we increased fossil fuel consumption every year since 1965, destroying ozone layers and multiplying CO2 levels in the atmosphere to the point we are in danger of destroying the planet that is our home.

We have, without paying much attention, or perhaps because we thought we could get away with it, overstuffed ourselves to the extent that the average American has gained a pound a year over the last 20 years, doubling our obesity rate in the same time period. One-third of us are now dangerously overweight, contributing to our poorer health and already out-of-control health care costs for which we are now paying the piper.

We had become a nation that was out of control.

The good news of pain is that its a powerful motivator. It gets our attention. And herein lies our salvation.

Our apathy has been replaced with a caring about how business is run in America. We have returned to a deepened concern over our environment. We have renewed our interest in funding education, infrastructure, and alternative energy. We have awakened our sensitivity to treating those different from us as equals.

More are seeing that the needs of the poor do matter as much as the wants of the rich. We're developing a sharpened perception that we're all in this together. More of us are considering that acknowledging our unity and engaging in cooperation could yield better results than manipulating and cheating to beat out our competition. We're noticing that helping our neighbors feels better than ignoring them. We have returned to the sanity that paying our overdue bills has once again become important.

The gift of pain is that it causes us to do something different. We are good people, and we're learning from our past choices.

We have ushered in a new era of hope. We are now confronting the abuses of the past and returning to American values of honesty, openness, integrity, hard work, and caring for those next door. We've been bounced out of denial into an awakening. We are acting like the America our world neighbors have been hoping for. We've begun the road back.

Although the pain is uncomfortable, it has saved our future. We're very lucky. As we channel our anger, angst, new awareness, and attention to doing what's right, the possible becomes inevitable - we will make our world a better place.