Reflections on Life So Far

As I approach my 63^rd birthday this month, I have been spending some time looking backward and seeing the victories, defeats, blessings and graces of a life now likely 2/3 done, wondering both what lies ahead, and evaluating what lies behind.

Drawn to a number of mission fields over the years, not all of which have been easy, I’ve learned that my contributions have been unique, and the longer I live, the more value I see in me.  I’ve had the challenges of overcoming depression, anxiety, financial disaster, bad attitudes, negative people, physical illnesses and accidents, rejection, ridicule, misunderstandings, failures, attacks, thefts, and betrayals.  I’ve been cheated, ripped off, lied to.  My mistakes have been some of my best teachers, and I’ve had the honor of entertaining lots of forgiveness lessons!

Through it all, I have survived.  There have been more successes than failures. Well, perhaps not any failures – just learning opportunities.  I’ve experienced the gift of love countless times over, plucked from disaster by angels of mercy, and granted grace-filled gifts beyond which I could have imagined as a child. 

I’ve learned that I can’t control others, or save them, but I can love them.  I can wish for them, believe in them, invite them, even nudge them, toward peace and joy; yet each one must decide when they are ready for bliss.  I can’t sell them or convince them, like I tried to for so many years, that life is good, and that we are not victims without recourse.  Life does, however, have to be embraced.

I have wept with those whose losses have crushed their lives, shared tears and hugs when tragedies have claimed peoples’ hopes for the future, and rejoiced in the witness of countless miracles.

They say you regret more what you didn’t do than what you did do.  I think that’s true for me.   I don’t think I regret anything I’ve done – except when I’ve hurt people unknowingly.  The only thing I can remember not doing that I regret is not taking piano lessons.  My mom offered them, but I thought I didn’t have time ‘cause I was too busy playing baseball to practice piano.  I had no idea what learning to play the piano could have opened up for me.  I’d love to be playing piano in my free time now.  (Maybe I will still learn!)

I am glad I learned to play the guitar, that I sang in choirs, that I played in a band, that I learned to swim, that I acted in plays, that I gave my all to sports, that I opened myself up to God’s love, that I honored the missions to which I have been called.  I’m glad I took risks when it was scary, and that I noticed every time I lost something I thought was important, something better came into my life.  I’m glad I learned to appreciate life, to look for the positive.  I’m glad I learned that gratitude burns away disappointment and grief, that doing little things for people is really doing big things for people.

Author or co-author of 4 books, 6 careers, 10 businesses, one marriage, two beautiful children, life-changing programs, and a stunning purpose in life now well-appreciated, I’ve learned that my life, with the help of angels unaware, has been of my own making, with strong spiritual guidance and love coming from unexpected sources.

I wonder what I’ll do with what’s left?  I feel wiser, stronger, more fortunate, gifted, clear about how I can still make a difference, and grateful for undeserved kindnesses.  When I have forgotten God, He has not forgotten me.  My commitment to being the best me remains constant, and each day I seek to allow a little more joy into my life.  That’s fun.  J  I see the light in me and in others with much greater ease, and find myself smiling in the awareness that love is all that matters, and every day I get a chance to be it.

Contrary to Public Opinion, the World is Getting Better

Many people depend on the media for education.  This is unfortunate.  The nature of the media is to stun us, not educate us.  Profit comes from drama.  The lead story is often the most shocking news that can be found in the moment.  There’s a saying in the media world: “Good news is no news.”

If we use the media for our education, we could come away feeling the world is getting worse, not better.  However, the opposite it true. *

Here’s a sampling of how things have improved since ‘the good old days’.  Wouldn’t you love to hear news stories about these realities?

In 1800, there were 193 places in the world where slavery was legal.  Now there are only 3.

In 1979, there were 636,000 tons of oil spilled from tanker ships.  Last year, only 6,000.

HIV infections have been cut by more than ½ since 1996.

In 1900, 43% of children born died before their 5^th birthday.  Now, only 4% do.

In 1954, nearly 1/3 of the world’s children age 5-15 worked full time to help support the family.  Now, less than 1 in 10 do.  (Time to go to school! )

Nuclear weapons around the world have been reduced by 74% since 1986.

Ozone depleting substances released into the atmosphere have been reduced by 98% since 1970.

Grain production has tripled since 1961.

There are 60% fewer people on the planet that go to bed hungry at night than in 1970.

Despite what’s happening in the United States, the number of acres of land worldwide that is now protected by National Parks or reserves has doubled since in 1985.

193 countries now allow women to vote, compared to 1 in 1893.

Literacy has increased worldwide from 20% in 1900 to 86% now.

90% of girls around the globe now attend primary school compared to 65% in 1970.

85% of the world now has electricity, and 88% now drink water protected from contamination.

Violent crime in the US has decreased 34% since 1990.

This is not to say there isn’t more to do. (Nearly 1 billion people still do not have clean drinking water.) We must always keep working on improving the world.  But look how far we’ve come!

* These figures are borrowed from the Swedish Gapminder Foundation, dedicated to finding truth independent of the media.

Mercy for our President

As I watch what happens in social media, and the broader media, and in conversations, it seems liberals on the political left appear to be acting much like the conservatives did when Obama was in power. Many dissatisfied with Trump's leadership seem to focus on standing in his way, even destroying him, just like republicans vowed to do when Obama served.

I prayed a lot for Obama, as I'm sure many did. Despite the criticism he faced, Obama pulled the rabbit out of the proverbial hat with many of his astounding accomplishments - cutting the unemployment rate in half, tripling the stock market, pulling us out of the greatest recession our nation has known since the great depression, creating 17+ million jobs, fighting for women, kids, and veterans, health care, seniors, minorities, the environment, etc., all while reducing the national deficit by 60%. He performed miracles against astounding opposition.

Although the temptation is great for those who disagree with Mr. Trump's values to attack him, I can't help but think that praying for Trump would be a better idea for the betterment of life for Americans. Instead of contributing to the negativity, liberals have a chance to ask for from a Higher Power, as we did with Obama, for support in manifesting decisions that will be good for us all, in win-win fashion, rather than the more popular win-lose mentality.

If we truly want our country to be at it's best, and for all Americans to be on the receiving end of blessings, wouldn't it make more sense for us to focus on what we want from our leaders, instead of attacking them all the time?

Despite his public image, I believe Mr. Trump has a heart, but he is so busy defending it, he can't put any energy into showing it. He is not thick-skinned like our previous leader. He is insecure and lost in an ocean he's never swam in before. Surely he needs our help more than he needs us pushing his head under the water. Wouldn't you need the same from those who disagree with you?

The Challenge of Sexual Harassment

As a professional who has provided treatment for sexual assault victims for more than 30 years, it’s been interesting to watch the development of current social awareness and mega-news coverage about the topic.  As I write these words, my heart is heavy, and at the same time, hopeful, that we will come out on the other side of this more sensitive and caring for one another.  What could be more important than that?

I submit the following food for thought for those who might be interested:

1)    Almost every woman I know has been sexually harassed, many of them multiple times throughout their life.  99% of women who speak of being sexually assaulted are telling the truth, and many of them, even when they speak up, still minimize the details of their stories, out of the pain of remembering, or fear of being judged or not being believed.  I’m glad women are coming forward to be heard.  For many, the assaults have deeply impacted their professional, personal and sexual lives more than many men can comprehend.  It is important for all of us to pay attention to this reality.

2)    Not all women are irreparably damaged by sexual harassment.  Some are able to choose not to be offended by the misjudgments of men, seeing the men involved to be immature, confused, or emotional needy. These women do not personalize the actions, and are able to avert life-long hurt and maintain their sense of value, refusing to let being victimized define who they are.  These women are rare, and I always admire their ability to hold their sense of dignity when it has been threatened.

3)    Although it is the exception to the rule, I know that not all women who come forth with stories of sexual assault are telling the truth, and it is important to refrain from judgment of either the accused or the accuser until the stories can be ferreted out to be sensitive to the needs of all involved.  I believe that just as it has been a mistake for us as a society to immediately discount the stories of women as they come forth with their pain, it is also a mistake to immediately judge the accused as guilty as if the story HAS to be true, and that the men involved should be punished without a chance for due process.

4)    It has become entirely possible to ruin a man’s life and reputation, and create havoc and deep personal pain, including causing him to lose his job, simply by telling a story, even if it is untrue. This puts all men at risk of being judged and rejected by society, regardless of their innocence or guilt, simply by an expression of a grievance, anger, or mental illness in a disparaging way.  Generalizing guilt to all men accused can be a serious (but understandable) misjudgment given the intensity of rage justified at those men who have been known to abuse.

5)    I do know from working with men over many decades, that we are often confused about how to express our interest women. We fumble. We are anxious.  We guess.  We try.  We often don’t know we are offending until the offense occurs.  Often attempts to support and express admiration or comfort can be interpreted as unwanted behaviors.  It is important that men learn how to express their interest in women in respectful ways, even though many women think men should already know how to do this. More understanding and information needs to be shared openly between the sexes without the anger attached that men “should” know when a woman wants to be touched, for example, when in reality, both men and women often don’t know how to tell.

6)    I, personally, have experienced a number of women attempt to seduce me by making sexual advances and invitations towards me.  I have not blamed them or been angry at them. I have realized they were not trying to hurt me. I have not sought for them to lose their jobs. I have realized they are just trying to feel good, and I don’t blame them for that.  My response was simply to make myself clear, “You and I will not be doing that.”  When the boundary I have set has been heard and respected, the relationships have often been able to continue within those boundaries, and these women have remained my friends.  For those who could not honor those boundaries, the relationships could not continue.  Not every sexual harassment claim has to cost someone their job or have them ostracized from society, particularly when the accused did not know ahead of time the action would be unwanted, or their support would be interpreted as threatening, or if he/she apologizes and expresses a commitment to learn more.  Forgiveness and understanding is possible in some cases, and I have known both men and women to have made this choice with dignity and honor.

7)    As we sort through this messy topic that has impacted so many people in hurtful and devastating ways, I recommend we not let our anger cloud our evaluation of what is said, but that all involved are honored with the greatest respect for their feelings and chances to respond and recover.  Reconciliation is not possible in all cases, but neither is it advisable that we conclude all cases should be treated with expulsion and punishment without examining the particulars of each situation.

8)    When we villainize men whose infractions have been brought to their attention, apologized in response to the mis-step, and then forgiven by the one sharing their story, we send a message that men must be perfect to be acceptable, that they are unforgivable, and we leave no room for them to grow or change into the men we want them to be.  Vengeance has never led any society forward, and must be watched closely, lest we squash the reconciliation we desire. I believe in accountability, but also question the wisdom of punishing someone who has not hurt us personally, and has already been reconciled with their accuser.  This is us choosing to go to war over a matter that those involved have already chosen peace.

9)    I know that many will criticize me for taking a balanced position on these matters, and that most of those strong reactions will come from those with unfinished anger and pain around personal experiences that cause them to think I am being too soft on protecting women.  They would be mistaken, though, not to understand I have spent most of my life protecting and standing for women (and men) who have been hurt, and will continue to do so, because, quite frankly, they deserve it.

Comments/Discussion welcome.

An Introduction to A Course in Miracles

Many are curious about the messages of A Course in Miracles. Here is one way to explain what the Course is about.

Because of the many contradictions that exist in both the New and Old Testaments of the Bible and the TANAKH, and the confusion that results from the lack of consideration of cultural & historical contexts of passages, along with a misunderstanding of translating principles, the message of Jesus (or Jehovah, depending on one's spiritual background) has been convoluted, resulting in more than 20,000 different "Christianities" and many practices of Judaism worldwide. A Course in Miracles is a clarification of of these misunderstandings and a re-focusing on the original messages of Jesus (or Jehovah).

Basic tenets include an understanding that God is Love, and only Love, that we are fully acceptable the way we are, that all apparent "evils" are expressions of fear that we human beings make up, that the Second Coming is awakening to the awareness that we have been misinformed about the nature of God, and that the final judgement is always "Not Guilty."

It is not intended to be a replacement for Christianity or Judaism, or any other religion, but a clarification of God's message for all people. Therefore, it can be embraced by people from any religions and all religions that are aligned with the Love of God.

Because Jesus delivered it in Shakespearian-like Iambic pentameter, the challenge of reading it puts many people off, but many are often drawn back to it by Spirit and the power of it's message, for which every human soul is searching.

For those interested in checking out A Course in Miracles, first reading one of the following books will serve as meaningful introduction to where the Course is headed, and lead to greater understanding of the Course: A Course In Miracles Made Easy by Alan Cohen, The Disappearance of the Universe by Gary Renard, or Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love.

Once absorbing the messages of the Course, one begins to experience miracles on a regular basis. This has certainly been the case for me. It holds the secret to happiness, joy and peace, delivered by the Prince of Peace Himself, and the nearly unfathomable awareness of the depth of God's love that goes far beyond where many religions take us.

Jesus did not come to start a new religion, but he did clarify for us Who God Is, and Who We Are as a result. A Course in Miracles puts an end to fighting and judgement, because we become aligned with what Love really is, that we are one and the same created in His image, and all the reasons for being angry at one another disappear with our illusions of competition, winning, better-than-worse-than, and other dualisms.

In short, it's a ticket to freedom. Not the only ticket, but one very rapid way to get back to uniting with God, an experience which many refer to as "heaven", and one which we need not put off until our perceived death to experience.

Many ideas are challenging for those who already feel they have the "right" answers about God. But as our experience shows, feeling and believing we have the "right" answers is not leading us to Peace, which is evidence itself that we are still missing something. True Peace is effective because it is real. This is an extraordinarily rapid path to getting there. :-)

Sensationalism vs. Reason: The Journey from Blame to Blessing

On a recent road trip, during my 75-minute workout at the hotel fitness center, I noticed one of the TVs was tuned to Fox News. For more than an hour, their only focus was attempting to affix blame on Hillary Clinton for the four deaths in Benghazi 2 ½ years prior.

It’s interesting at no time during the broadcast was there any acknowledgement that while they were discussing Benghazi, four more Americans were shot on American soil, as there has been approximately every 75 minutes for many years now. In fact, more than 80,000 Americans have died from gunshots on our streets and within our homes and schools since the Benghazi attack, more Americans as we lost in the entire Viet Nam War.

Why is it that when 4 Americans are killed by foreigners, it demands top attention from the tabloids years later, but when Americans kill each other on a daily basis, its not worthy of attention from these sensationalist “news” programs? 

Some would say it’s more than just the deaths, but the suspicion that Clinton ignored the need for additional support for the Benghazi compound.

Does the fact that she was responsible for more than 270 embassies and consulates at once leave room for the possibility of an isolated attack in a dangerous part of the world?

Does it make any difference that security upgrades had already been made to the Benghazi compound, and when Clinton requested more resources to protect embassies like Benghazi, such funding was denied by Congress as being too expensive?

Does it matter that the Republican-led House Select Committee, among others, has launched 8 investigations of the Benghazi incident, with 13 hearings and 25,000 pages of reports, and that in all cases it was determined Clinton, the military, the intelligence network, and the CIA all acted appropriately?

And isn’t ironic, that far from being an oversight by the Secretary of State, the reasons given by the attackers at Benghazi for their assault of the Embassy was to defend against the insults of a conservative Florida pastor Terry Jones’ promotion of a film humiliating their spiritual leader, even after the State Department asked him to back off because it was putting Americans overseas in danger?  You may recall that Pastor Jones' previous actions in promoting the burning of Korans also led to 7 other American deaths.

I’m not promoting Clinton here or bashing conservatives; I am advocating for rational thinking and respect.

We must rise out of the immaturity of tunnel vision, misplaced anger, and petty attack of one another. Let’s support each other in growing up. Let us all, republicans and democrats, quit trying to find fault with each other, and do what good American leaders do.  They work together and cooperate for a future that benefits all Americans.

Let’s support politicians that lead with reason.  In order to do this, we as voters must lead with reason and level-headedness first, for it is us who listen to ill-informed “news” tabloids, and it is us who elect those without sound judgment. 

Profound disrespect from Pastor Jones and misguided film makers led to American deaths on more than one occasion.  Profound respect for each other can lead to saving lives in the future.