To Teach or To Learn, That Is the Question

It was a beautiful morning in Minnesota, high 60’s and sunny. A slight breeze brushed my face as I set out on an invigorating walk around the lake.

Along the way I met a woman walking two enthusiastic small dogs, Shih Tzus I think, trotting along in a way that prompted their faithful owner to pick up the pace a little. The dogs were cute. They exuded jubilance, seemingly passionate and grateful for the opportunity to be outside, with an apparent insatiable thirst for discovering what could be around the next turn.

I noticed the woman admonishing the dogs with harsh comments like “No growling!” Jerking on the leashes she uttered, “Come on!” in a somewhat critical tone. Later, after I had turned around to head for home, I came across the same woman and her dogs, and again heard similar mutterings from owner to pets.

What struck me most is that the pristinely white dogs seemed to ignore the verbal harshness, and did not seem to take her remarks personally. They continued their happy spirit, remaining ever present to what excitement lay ahead, and never lost their enthusiasm for what possibilities their own walk around the lake held for them.

I learned a lot from the dogs that day.

How many times has someone spoken harshly to me, and I have reacted with offense, sending my own mood downward as I judged and criticized that person’s treatment of me?

What if I approached such situations like the furry friends I had observed walking around the lake? What if I just ignored the putdowns, the criticisms, the attacking words, and stayed focused on the opportunities that lay before me in the immediate present and future?

What if I refused to take anything personally and kept my attention optimistically on where I was headed rather than resenting the behavior of my ornery friend? What if I accepted people where they were at, forgave them immediately, and hung onto my own joy?

What if I knew what dogs knew, that what anybody else says or does need have no effect on my feeling good? What if I remembered that my only task is to look for what’s good, and let joy reverberate through my bones and radiate from my face?

Not long ago I was visiting my friends who have a black lab as a housemate. I noticed that this charming creature would walk up to me where I was sitting, looking forlornly into my face, hoping I would pat or scratch it’s head.

If I did not respond, she would go to the next person in the room and make the same request. If no one in the room responded to her, she would retreat to a nearby rug or corner and patiently wait for another opportunity when we might be ready to acknowledge her appeal. Her patience was remarkable. Throughout the process, she never whined, never complained. She didn’t bark or whimper, or argue in any way. She trustingly believed that what she wanted was coming her way when the time was right, and all she needed to do was keep asking.

How often can I ask and not be put off if I do not get the response I want immediately? Can I take someone’s refusal gracefully? Can I understand that people are sometimes not ready or able to respond to my requests without developing resentment toward them? Do I have the persistence to keep going after what I need, no matter how many times I am turned down? Do I believe it’s worth continuing to try?

If I am willing to learn anything from my above dog friends, I will overlook any harshness or judgments from others, forever keep my eyes on the possibilities ahead, and never give up asking for what I want. I will maintain a patient, forgiving attitude toward everyone. In this way, I can insure my best enjoyment of life, remain open to every present moment’s gifts, and stay in charge of my moods, regardless of the attitudes of those around me.

Is it our job to train the dogs, or their job to train us? Who are the most willing students?

(David Larson is a licensed psychologist, personal life coach, and leadership trainer. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

Why the Economic Crisis Will Save Us

Nobody likes pain. We avoid it. We complain about it We talk about it at the coffee shop. We look for swift relief. And we judge it as bad.

A pain we all seem to be sharing lately is an economic one. The inevitable consequences of our choices over the last 30 years or so - spending beyond our means, believing the ends justify the means, compromising our integrity and values, putting money ahead of service, and believing what each of us does individually doesn't effect others - have come back to bite us.

The good news is that there is a silver lining in every challenge, and in this case, the silver lining is huge.

Consider these perspectives of where we've been:

Over-indulgence with clearing forest land for bigger houses, parking lots, and shopping malls has removed the vegetation that absorbed excess water from rain, melting snow, and storms. This has contributed to producing 1100% more wildfires, 260% more floods, and 921% more in economic catastrophe losses than 3 decades ago.

Choosing convenience and comfort over frugality and clear-headedness, we increased fossil fuel consumption every year since 1965, destroying ozone layers and multiplying CO2 levels in the atmosphere to the point we are in danger of destroying the planet that is our home.

We have, without paying much attention, or perhaps because we thought we could get away with it, overstuffed ourselves to the extent that the average American has gained a pound a year over the last 20 years, doubling our obesity rate in the same time period. One-third of us are now dangerously overweight, contributing to our poorer health and already out-of-control health care costs for which we are now paying the piper.

We had become a nation that was out of control.

The good news of pain is that its a powerful motivator. It gets our attention. And herein lies our salvation.

Our apathy has been replaced with a caring about how business is run in America. We have returned to a deepened concern over our environment. We have renewed our interest in funding education, infrastructure, and alternative energy. We have awakened our sensitivity to treating those different from us as equals.

More are seeing that the needs of the poor do matter as much as the wants of the rich. We're developing a sharpened perception that we're all in this together. More of us are considering that acknowledging our unity and engaging in cooperation could yield better results than manipulating and cheating to beat out our competition. We're noticing that helping our neighbors feels better than ignoring them. We have returned to the sanity that paying our overdue bills has once again become important.

The gift of pain is that it causes us to do something different. We are good people, and we're learning from our past choices.

We have ushered in a new era of hope. We are now confronting the abuses of the past and returning to American values of honesty, openness, integrity, hard work, and caring for those next door. We've been bounced out of denial into an awakening. We are acting like the America our world neighbors have been hoping for. We've begun the road back.

Although the pain is uncomfortable, it has saved our future. We're very lucky. As we channel our anger, angst, new awareness, and attention to doing what's right, the possible becomes inevitable - we will make our world a better place.

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist, life coach, and leadership trainer. He can be contacted at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website www.callthecoach.com