Holiday Stress: Keeping the Joy of the Season

It is the Season of “Good News of great joy, which shall be to all people.”

Yet for many, it doesn’t feel that way. Even those who anticipate great fun over the Holidays will often feel run down, overstuffed, and worn out by the time Christmas arrives. Being on the go, trying to fill others’ expectations, even trying to fill our own, can leave us feeling pretty empty and tired by the time the ball drops to usher in the New Year.

Some of the most common stressors during this great time of Holiday Cheer include the following:

• Making “getting everything done” the primary goal, rather than the fun of shared activities.

• Sad memories of someone who is no longer near or of holidays when times were better.

• Unrealistic expectations such as hoping this year will finally be the one Uncle Harry doesn’t have too much to drink, or that we can give everyone what they want for Christmas even through resources may be tighter this year.

• Assuming too much responsibility to make the Holidays perfect for loved ones; wanting everyone to be happy so we can be happy.

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  Emphasizing gifts, decorating, and meals, and forgetting that people are more important than things, events, or tasks.

• Feeling isolated or alone being drawn back into family get-togethers that carry unpleasant memories of days gone by.

You and I can make sure this doesn’t happen to us this year! Here are some tips for keeping the jolly in your holly.

• Don’t expect perfection. If it comes, great! But if the turkey burns, or the car breaks down, or if you get snowed in somewhere, or you can’t find the gift you wanted to give, remember that life is a blessing. You made it this far. And don’t forget to laugh at yourself!

• Share the workload. Don’t forget to ask for help. You are not single-handedly responsible to make everything work. Be happy for what you do get done, and don’t worry about the rest.

• Remember the love of your loved ones will never die. You can never lose love. Papa’s form may have changed, but his love is always with you.

• Learn to say “no” on occasion – to that extra cookie, that extra helping of potatoes, that party invitation that pushes your schedule a bit too much. Get plenty of sleep. In fact, fall asleep counting your blessings, not your problems.

• Remember the choice of remaining joyful is yours. It is not dependent on anyone else doing what you want them to do. Hang onto the spirit, even if others get grumpy.

• Keep your eyes on the Reason For the Season. It’s not so much about us creating the perfect Christmas as it is about remembering it’s already perfect because of the gift of the Christ Child. Remember, Jesus came into a mess, without lights and fanfare, with a quiet message of “good news, which shall be to all people.” Let the Savior into your heart, and receive the love predestined to be yours long ago.

(David Larson, MS, LP, CPCC, is a psychologist and life fulfillment coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com . )

From Jealousy to Joy by Trusting In Abundance

Jealousy is a form of fear. It is based on a belief in scarcity. I see someone who has something I want – the money, the job, the sense of humor, the confidence, the relationship, the opportunity… and I long for those things to be mine as well.

When this happens to me, I notice I am believing in limitations. I am thinking if you have something I want, I can't have it too. I become aware of my resentment, jealousy's constant companion and fraternal twin.

However, if I believe in abundance - that there is enough to go around for everyone (there really is!) - jealousy can find no stronghold, for I am confident whatever you have is possible for me too - and I can start looking for how to bring it into my life any time I choose.

Jealousy is a dis-ease of “If…then.”

If I had a romance relationship like she has, then I’d be happy. If I could just get out of this romance relationship, then I’d be happy. If I could have children like her, then all will be well. When the kids move out, then I’ll be free. If I could just get a job like his, then life would be easy. If I could only quit my job, then my life will finally be in balance...

This is how I trap myself. I am letting myself believe that my happiness lies in what someone else has in their life, but I don’t yet have in mine.

Getting relief from jealousy requires that I give up my belief in scarcity and trust the abundance that is the reality of the universe. To trust the abundance is to believe there is enough for both you and me. My envy dissolves when I can rejoice in your happiness. The great paradox is the more I am delighted in your good fortune; the more good fortune comes my way.

Of whom are you jealous? Can you identify your belief that supports this feeling? Are you thinking you can't have what someone else has? How can you be sure it is not possible for you to have this in another form? Be careful. Self-fulfilling prophecies are real. If you are like me, sometimes believing something is not available to me actually blinds me from seeing it pass right in front of me.

On the other hand, when you and I believe we can have what we want, it sets in motion the circumstances required to bring it into being. Today I will let my jealousy jar me into believing in my possibilities. How about you?

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist and the founder of the Institute For Wellness. His column appears on alternate Sundays. He can be contacted at 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)