Let's Talk, Listen, Understand

Liberals and conservatives are human beings. We all come from the same Love Source and are made of the same Good Stuff. 

A difference, it seems to me, is we have different definitions and expressions of what love is. For liberals, love is compassion, respect, equality, inclusion, fairness, freedom for everyone, recognition of privilege. For conservatives, love is more fear-based, controlling, wanting to make other people like them, keeping what they 'deserve', and maintainingfreedom for themselves. 

Hence, liberals are able to see immigrants, refugees, blacks, women, all those different from them, as brothers and sisters of the same Creator, and all having the same rights, no matter where they come from, no matter what race or religion they practice. 

Conservatives tend to see those different from them as threats. Hence, they see immigrants and refugees as wanting a free handout when they believe there's not enough to go around. They see blacks, Jews, Muslims, even liberal Christians, as threats to them losing something. They have difficulty seeing that we can love everybody, not just "our own", those who think like us, those who look like us, those who worship like us.

Liberals have fears too. Their fears are usually about the abundance being limited to a few instead of shared, where conservatives' fears come from believing that there is not enough of that abundance to go around, so those who are stronger should have it. 

We should examine each other’s fears together, and then determine which ones are real.

This is not a put-down or judgment of conservatives or liberals. It's an understanding that we are motivated by different perspectives. We're still all precious creations of God, and we need to seek to understand each other as all being in the same family. 

I welcome discussion and comments regarding this post, as generalizations always have exceptions. Communicating with one another is a key to understanding, and the road to peace.

Before It's Too Late

A number of Americans voted for Mr. Trump because they thought he was a good businessman, and what we needed was a successful business mind in the White House. 

As one who coaches businesses almost on a daily basis, those who are not business owners may not realize that businesses are set up to make money for the investors.  Presidents of companies need to please their board of directors to maintain their position of power.  There are exceptions, of course, but service to customers usually takes second place to employing workers to earn money for the financiers.  (As a leadership trainer, we now train business owners in more effective business models, where service is the main key to success.)

So, the misinformed struggling class (workers), who thought a bold, brash business mind at the top, would look out for their best interests, are gradually seeing the light.

While Trump talks about serving the “people” and attacks his critics, he crafts ways to funnel extra money to those who finance him.  Hence, the bulk of 3.5 Trillion dollars in tax breaks goes to the wealthiest 1% in the nation, and the debt is put on the backs of the workers.  

Denial of global warming is fierce in order to protect his oil company and defense contractor buddies so they can multiply their billions.  

Complaining about vulnerable “have nots” entering our country illegally, while doing nothing to reform immigration laws that would allow these valuable humans into our country that our workforce desperately needs, is a very backwards way to not solve a problem. Have you noticed the plethora of ‘Help Wanted’ signs in your community, and businesses closing because they cannot get the workers they need to provide their service?

Republicans have demonstrated over and over again that their “trickle down theory” of economics destroys our economy.  Remember when Reagan put big tax cuts in place during his reign, and then had to raise taxes on the rich before he left office because he saw it was destroying our country?  

Remember when George Bush gave big tax breaks to the wealthy and drove our economy into it’s worse recession in 80 years?  

Remember how Obama reduced our national deficit by more than half, while Trump has more than doubled our national deficit since his budget was put back into play less than a year ago?

After riding the shirt-tails of Obama’s tripling the S & P 500, Trump’s policies taking effect in 2018 have dropped the market more than 550 points, as a new recession approaches.

In a single year, Mr. Trump’s inadequate leadership has slowed our job growth by 15%, with more corporate heads threatening additional lay-offs.  Just like George Bush reversed Bill Clinton’s budget surplus heading for a debt-free America, Mr. Trump has reversed the positive economic trend of decelerating national spending that he was handed when he took office.

It’s easier for me to see now how Hitler gained power by appealing to the lower natures of our human emotions.  All he needed was 1/3 of the population to agree with hating, disempowering the less fortunate, attacking those who are different - and the rest of the population not to fight back.

We’re on dangerous territory for many reasons, and we need to put a stop-gap on Trump’s power until he can be replaced by voting again for decency, compassion, inclusion, respect, sensibility, and fiscal responsibility in the White House once again.  

Understanding What Drives Those With Whom You Disagree

There’s kind of a wackiness going on these days that tends to polarize people and make them defensive with one another.  When people think differently from one another with passion, it can turn to judgement and alienation.  What’s needed is an understanding of how people think so we can give up the resistance to each other based on pre-conceived ideas.

So I offer this discussion starter to help liberals understand conservatives, and help conservatives understand liberals. It’s too easy to villainize each other. Both sides think they’re the good guys, and they are.  We’re all good guys.  What is needed is an understanding of what makes those difficult-to-understand-and-different-from-us folks tick.

 “Conservative” and  “liberal” tend to be political terms in today’s climate, and I do not want this to be a political discussion.  I want it to be a discussion about human beings, about how we tend to engage with each other and with social issues of our day.  So, from here on out, I will use the term “traditionalist” to refer to generally conservative viewpoints, and “progressive” to refer to generally liberal viewpoints.

Keep in mind there are not just two groups.  Each of us lands on a continuum between the extremes.  You will likely find elements of both positions within you.

Traditionalists see the chaotic world and long for the ‘good old days’ when life was simpler.  They prefer order and simplicity.  Ambiguity tends to make them anxious, so often black and white thinking is preferred, where answers are predictable and unchanging.  In an attempt to try to control change, they prefer to backtrack to the past.  Scientific discoveries are not regarded with enthusiasm if they do not match what is already believed. 

Since for traditionalists, there is clear right and wrong, the end justifies the means. What progressives may see as rude, cruel, or disrespectful behavior, traditionalists may see as needed, appropriate, and justified to return us to the right path.  Both traditionalists and progressives share the goal of making the world a better place.

Progressives, instead of looking backward, look forward to the possibility of finding better ways of doing things.  Instead of being threatened by ambiguity, progressives believe that exploring the unknown, as well as the known, leads to valuable learning.  New ideas are encouraged.  For example, instead of supporting conventional attitudes about men having advantages over women,  progressives think seeing the genders as equals holds more potential.  Equal pay for equal work.  Respect is for all human beings alike. 

Traditionalists are prone to scarcity thinking.   There is often worry about losing what they have. For example, they may be afraid there’s not enough money to go around, where progressives will see there is plenty of money to go around for everyone to have a good life.

Whereas traditionalists tend to see those different from them (other races, religions, etc.) as threats, progressives seek the positives of diversity.  Where traditionalists may see scientific discoveries and new data as irrelevant, progressives consider it advantageous to embrace information unknown in the past.  While progressives tend to see traditionalists as being uninformed or selfish, traditionalists tend to see progressives as immoral.

For progressives, the end does not justify the means.  The means is important for them because having respect for the planet, animals, women, strangers, etc. is a matter of integrity.  For them, your example is as important as your words.

Traditionalists tend to operate with a mind-set of separation.  Some people are better than others.  Some people deserve more.  They often think in terms of win-lose. 

Progressives tend to operate with the mind-set of unity.  Instead of needing to beat those who are different, it’s more gratifying to progressives to join with, work with, and co-operate with those different from them.  They often think in terms of win-win.

As opposed to black & white thinking, progressives often see gray areas in life’s challenges.  In addition to what people do, their motivation for doing what they do is deemed significant. While traditionalists tend to be motivated by fear of things changing for the worse (taking in refugees will hurt us), progressives tend to be motivated by love and compassion (refugees need places to live and food to eat).  Traditionalists often also say they are motivated by love.  This kind of love often means controlling others (believe in God the way I do; don't be gay; don't be transsexual; don't use birth control), while for the Progressives, love means setting people free (connect with God in the way of your choice; be who you are).

Both traditionalists and progressives claim to value truth.  When traditionalists speak of truth, they are often referring to assumed truth, whereas liberals are often thinking of verifiable truth.  For example, one group may say they have not noticed a change in weather around them and think that global warming is a myth, where the other observes melting glaciers, rising oceans, and more than 100 years of data to come to an opposite conclusion. Can you tell which group is which? 

Traditionalists often generalize from isolated incidents (a terrorist claims to be Muslim, so we should fear all Muslims as potential terrorists), where progressives tend to consider broader, inclusive collection of information in order to clarify what is real for them (Muslims are a peace-loving people.  Only extremists Muslims are terrorists; much like extremist Christians.) 

Traditionalists stand for individual freedom while trying to get others to do the right thing. (stand during national anthem, and others should too).  Progressives advocate for collective freedom for everyone (standing or kneeling for national anthem OK).  What progressives see racism, traditionalists see as keeping order. 

In the Western world, seeing these varied perspectives makes it easier to understand why traditionalists might have a desire for literal interpretations of their Christian Bible, while progressive Christians notice the contradictions of the passages, the contexts in which the words were written, and are open to new discoveries about the writings that have not been assumed in the past.  Both love God, and both want to be right.

Traditionalist’s of many faiths often see a God who will punish them for not believing the right thing, and may therefore be more dogmatic about their beliefs.  They want to keep people on the straight and narrow. Progressive people of faith see a compassionate and caring God, who does not punish them for seeking truth with interest and openness.

Both groups will often see themselves as being “fair”.   For progressives, “fair” usually means everyone has equal opportunity.  For traditionalists, “fair” often means it’s OK for one group to have more than others, because they think they worked harder for it. As they see it, some people have less than others because they are lazy or made poor decisions that determined their fate.  Traditionalists do not want to support laziness.  Traditionalists often embrace a “me first” viewpoint (scarcity); whereas progressives will embrace that every human’s needs are important (inclusion, abundance).  Progressives can be concerned that struggling humans may not have had the same opportunities as those who are making a go of it.

When engaging a traditionalist, look for the need for order, simplicity, the safety of black & white thinking, individual freedom, and the fear that change and openness will threaten them somehow.  Progressives must be sensitive and honoring of that fear, not ridicule it.  

When engaging a progressive, look for that person to value openness and complexity, learning new information, inclusiveness, verifiable truth, collective freedom, and to see gray areas to issues. 

Here are some modern-day examples examined in more depth:

Immigration:

In our national conflict over immigration, a traditionalist often holds the view that an undocumented immigrant should be labeled “illegal” and be punished, because they aren’t following established rules, no matter how outdated they may be.  The progressive mind is more likely to see beyond the black/white thinking that “illegal” means “wrong”, and ask why are these illegals willing to risk breaking the law at all?  The progressive considers broader perspectives based on research such as our need for immigrants to keep our economy going, that our system is flawed in welcoming them into our country, and the problem may be our immigration policies, not the incoming strangers.  The progressive understands that labeling these new-comers “illegal” judges them as enemies (separate), not as comrades in the human race, and brothers an sisters in need of our love (unity; oneness).

Traditionalists are less likely to consider what immigrants are fleeing, which may include escape from poverty, murder, and death.  These are relevant factors to a progressive.  Traditionalists are more concerned about their own safety, and may justify mistreating people because they are breaking the established norm.  They may judge the newcomer as trying to get something they don’t deserve, or are otherwise bad people. Progressives are less likely to see fleeing danger in desperation as sufficient reason to label someone bad, lazy, or evil.  Although there may be a few foreigner “bad apples”, progressives believe that most human beings are good people, no matter where they come from.  Traditionalists tend to move quickly to suspicion, while progressives are quick to trust.

The progressive mind includes compassion, impartiality, and privilege in their decision-making, where the traditionalist does not often see their privilege. Traditionalists can be afraid that strangers will take something from them (jobs, welfare money, or hurt them physically), and are just trying to be protective of themselves, their country, and those they love. Progressives see the value of these strangers as contributors to the good of all, and see it as America’s responsibility to make it easier for those in need or those seeking a better life to cross our borders legally.

Traditionalists may justify separating families of newcomers at our border, believing they are dangerous to our society or that punishment will keep people in line.  This does not make sense to progressives who may be open to the knowledge that illegal immigrants are statistically less (25% less) likely to commit violent crimes than native-born Americans. Traditionalists are also prone to be frightened of terrorists crossing our borders from foreign lands.  The progressive finds it much more difficult to be afraid of this, knowing that fewer than 1/100^th of 1% of terrorist attacks in the US are committed by foreigners.

The fears of traditionalists often prevent them from looking at or caring about factual information.  They don't trust it.  For progressives, the research matters.  It’s harder for a progressive to be afraid of foreigners when they know from sources (like the Cato Institute), that the chances of an American being killed by a foreign terrorist in any given year is 1 in 10.9 billion.  Logically, progressives would say we should be much more afraid of being struck by lightening (nearly 11,000 times more likely than being killed by a foreign terrorist) or dying by falling out of bed (767 times more likely).

Abortion:

Just as a progressive may judge a traditionalist for being insensitive to the needs of others, traditionalists often villainize progressives for valuing what a pregnant woman feels is best for her and her entire family, rather than accepting an unwanted pregnancy.  The progressive is more likely to value compassion for a pregnant women as relevant. 

It is simple and orderly for a traditionalist to see a pregnancy as God’s will not to be messed with, where the progressive considers other factors such as how this may condemn the mother to poverty, leave the potential child hungry, uneducated, or in an unloved, neglected, or abusive family.  In wanting to return to an unchanging stability, a traditionalist may believe a women should not have a choice as to whether they want to, or when they are ready to, provide a child with a loving home. Women should be forced to have children (simple, controlling), even if they don’t want to or aren’t capable of raising them.  Women do not have the same rights as men (separation) to control whether they become parents or when.    The traditionalist may see the issue as a simple one:  Abortion is killing babies, and so it’s wrong, period!

Traditionalist “pro-lifers” often generalize progressives as “pro-abortion” (simplicity/ black & white), even though many progressives are not.  Progressives are often willing to consider abortion as part of the equation in complicated decision-making.   

Many traditionalists want to close family planning clinics that also offer abortions, thinking this will help prevent them.  Progressives, have a hard time seeing this, since they are aware closing family planning clinics does not prevent abortions, but instead makes the inevitable abortions more dangerous.  Progressives are more likely to see that making abortions illegal hasn’t stopped them anywhere in the world, or at any time in history.  They would rather see more family planning clinics to help prevent abortions, knowing that when families can be planned, many abortions can be averted.  (Research has shown that ready access to family planning could prevent as many as 350,000 abortions per year in the US.)   

Gun Control

Interestingly, traditionalists who tend to stand for the lives of the unborn, do not always hold this pro-life stance when it comes to gun safety.  The nearly 85 Americans whose lives are lost everyday take a low priority when it comes to managing the guns that kill them. Simplicity & individual freedom (2^nd Amendment guarantees rights to own guns), fear (that we won’t be able to protect ourselves, or ‘they’ll take all our guns’), and black & white thinking (the 2^nd Amendment guarantees no limitation on one’s arsenal, and does not allow for regulation), lead a traditionalist toward a rigid response to problem solving around gun safety.  Progressives are able to see more options, where the right to gun ownership can be balanced with the rights of others to live.

Traditionalists often believe (note the fear) that having a gun makes their family safer. Progressives take a broader view, open to readily available information that shows a person is 3 times more likely to be hurt or killed by a gun if that person has one in their home.  Traditionalists often also will take the position that they should be able to take guns with them wherever they go, because ‘the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun’.   They are trying to stop violence. This runs contrary to the research that informs us guns are fired offensively more than 99% of the time, and in less than 1% of the cases is a gun used defensively.  Progressives are open to the data that despite an average of one mass shooting in the United States per day, a civilian good guy with a gun has not stopped a mass shooting in the last 30 years. Over that time, however, nearly 1 million citizens have lost their lives to guns.  

So, where does this leave us?

Instead of judging our neighbor for views different than ours, a healthier approach is to seek to understand their model of the world.  There is greater chance for appreciation and acceptance when we not only know what people believe, but why they believe it. 

Think simplicity, order, individual freedom, fear, scarcity, and black & white thinking, vs. inclusiveness, collective freedom, love, abundance thinking and gray areas.   Both groups are motivated by what they believe is the truth about the world.  So the next time you find yourself disagreeing with somebody, think about how they are trying to make the world a better place!

What are your perspectives?   No doubt you have a view or two yourself that could add to the discussion.  Thank you for responding respectfully.

Reflections on Life So Far

As I approach my 63^rd birthday this month, I have been spending some time looking backward and seeing the victories, defeats, blessings and graces of a life now likely 2/3 done, wondering both what lies ahead, and evaluating what lies behind.

Drawn to a number of mission fields over the years, not all of which have been easy, I’ve learned that my contributions have been unique, and the longer I live, the more value I see in me.  I’ve had the challenges of overcoming depression, anxiety, financial disaster, bad attitudes, negative people, physical illnesses and accidents, rejection, ridicule, misunderstandings, failures, attacks, thefts, and betrayals.  I’ve been cheated, ripped off, lied to.  My mistakes have been some of my best teachers, and I’ve had the honor of entertaining lots of forgiveness lessons!

Through it all, I have survived.  There have been more successes than failures. Well, perhaps not any failures – just learning opportunities.  I’ve experienced the gift of love countless times over, plucked from disaster by angels of mercy, and granted grace-filled gifts beyond which I could have imagined as a child. 

I’ve learned that I can’t control others, or save them, but I can love them.  I can wish for them, believe in them, invite them, even nudge them, toward peace and joy; yet each one must decide when they are ready for bliss.  I can’t sell them or convince them, like I tried to for so many years, that life is good, and that we are not victims without recourse.  Life does, however, have to be embraced.

I have wept with those whose losses have crushed their lives, shared tears and hugs when tragedies have claimed peoples’ hopes for the future, and rejoiced in the witness of countless miracles.

They say you regret more what you didn’t do than what you did do.  I think that’s true for me.   I don’t think I regret anything I’ve done – except when I’ve hurt people unknowingly.  The only thing I can remember not doing that I regret is not taking piano lessons.  My mom offered them, but I thought I didn’t have time ‘cause I was too busy playing baseball to practice piano.  I had no idea what learning to play the piano could have opened up for me.  I’d love to be playing piano in my free time now.  (Maybe I will still learn!)

I am glad I learned to play the guitar, that I sang in choirs, that I played in a band, that I learned to swim, that I acted in plays, that I gave my all to sports, that I opened myself up to God’s love, that I honored the missions to which I have been called.  I’m glad I took risks when it was scary, and that I noticed every time I lost something I thought was important, something better came into my life.  I’m glad I learned to appreciate life, to look for the positive.  I’m glad I learned that gratitude burns away disappointment and grief, that doing little things for people is really doing big things for people.

Author or co-author of 4 books, 6 careers, 10 businesses, one marriage, two beautiful children, life-changing programs, and a stunning purpose in life now well-appreciated, I’ve learned that my life, with the help of angels unaware, has been of my own making, with strong spiritual guidance and love coming from unexpected sources.

I wonder what I’ll do with what’s left?  I feel wiser, stronger, more fortunate, gifted, clear about how I can still make a difference, and grateful for undeserved kindnesses.  When I have forgotten God, He has not forgotten me.  My commitment to being the best me remains constant, and each day I seek to allow a little more joy into my life.  That’s fun.  J  I see the light in me and in others with much greater ease, and find myself smiling in the awareness that love is all that matters, and every day I get a chance to be it.

Contrary to Public Opinion, the World is Getting Better

Many people depend on the media for education.  This is unfortunate.  The nature of the media is to stun us, not educate us.  Profit comes from drama.  The lead story is often the most shocking news that can be found in the moment.  There’s a saying in the media world: “Good news is no news.”

If we use the media for our education, we could come away feeling the world is getting worse, not better.  However, the opposite it true. *

Here’s a sampling of how things have improved since ‘the good old days’.  Wouldn’t you love to hear news stories about these realities?

In 1800, there were 193 places in the world where slavery was legal.  Now there are only 3.

In 1979, there were 636,000 tons of oil spilled from tanker ships.  Last year, only 6,000.

HIV infections have been cut by more than ½ since 1996.

In 1900, 43% of children born died before their 5^th birthday.  Now, only 4% do.

In 1954, nearly 1/3 of the world’s children age 5-15 worked full time to help support the family.  Now, less than 1 in 10 do.  (Time to go to school! )

Nuclear weapons around the world have been reduced by 74% since 1986.

Ozone depleting substances released into the atmosphere have been reduced by 98% since 1970.

Grain production has tripled since 1961.

There are 60% fewer people on the planet that go to bed hungry at night than in 1970.

Despite what’s happening in the United States, the number of acres of land worldwide that is now protected by National Parks or reserves has doubled since in 1985.

193 countries now allow women to vote, compared to 1 in 1893.

Literacy has increased worldwide from 20% in 1900 to 86% now.

90% of girls around the globe now attend primary school compared to 65% in 1970.

85% of the world now has electricity, and 88% now drink water protected from contamination.

Violent crime in the US has decreased 34% since 1990.

This is not to say there isn’t more to do. (Nearly 1 billion people still do not have clean drinking water.) We must always keep working on improving the world.  But look how far we’ve come!

* These figures are borrowed from the Swedish Gapminder Foundation, dedicated to finding truth independent of the media.

Mercy for our President

As I watch what happens in social media, and the broader media, and in conversations, it seems liberals on the political left appear to be acting much like the conservatives did when Obama was in power. Many dissatisfied with Trump's leadership seem to focus on standing in his way, even destroying him, just like republicans vowed to do when Obama served.

I prayed a lot for Obama, as I'm sure many did. Despite the criticism he faced, Obama pulled the rabbit out of the proverbial hat with many of his astounding accomplishments - cutting the unemployment rate in half, tripling the stock market, pulling us out of the greatest recession our nation has known since the great depression, creating 17+ million jobs, fighting for women, kids, and veterans, health care, seniors, minorities, the environment, etc., all while reducing the national deficit by 60%. He performed miracles against astounding opposition.

Although the temptation is great for those who disagree with Mr. Trump's values to attack him, I can't help but think that praying for Trump would be a better idea for the betterment of life for Americans. Instead of contributing to the negativity, liberals have a chance to ask for from a Higher Power, as we did with Obama, for support in manifesting decisions that will be good for us all, in win-win fashion, rather than the more popular win-lose mentality.

If we truly want our country to be at it's best, and for all Americans to be on the receiving end of blessings, wouldn't it make more sense for us to focus on what we want from our leaders, instead of attacking them all the time?

Despite his public image, I believe Mr. Trump has a heart, but he is so busy defending it, he can't put any energy into showing it. He is not thick-skinned like our previous leader. He is insecure and lost in an ocean he's never swam in before. Surely he needs our help more than he needs us pushing his head under the water. Wouldn't you need the same from those who disagree with you?