January 2, 2021
There was a session in my personal therapy back in the 80’s which became transformative – it changed the trajectory of my life forever.
The dynamic moment occurred in the treatment of my depression, where my therapist pointed out that unless I left my mother behind, I would never recover.
This was frightening to me. It was also liberating for me. I realized that day that I had been holding myself back from being happy because my mother was stuck in her own depression, and I did not want to move on and abandon her without hope. After all, I thought, I was one of the few people who could help her. I had given her many suggestions, ideas, insights, support, and truth-telling from my point of view – yet she would not grab onto any of it. I was maintaining my own depression by thinking there must be something more I could do to release her from hers, and therefore waiting for her to come along on my journey to happiness.
The truth became clear that day. I could not change her. I could not rescue her. I could not wait for her. I could not save her. If and when she was ready for change, she had to invest in herself. She was the only one who had the power to free herself. I was waiting no more.
That day, through the tears, I let go, and I began to recover.
I feel like I am at another crossroads, as we enter into a new era of 2021. I spent much of last year wanting to free my friends from the darkness, from being fooled, from abandoning their usual kindness and caring and investing in deceit, cruelty, and denial. I wanted to welcome them back to the greatness I know was within them. I wanted them to re-join that land of love and reason and sanity.
It’s hard to let go of friends. I had created a comfortable blanket of community that felt safe. Moving ahead into deeper joy, I have realized, may mean leaving behind those who are not ready yet for more personal joy in their own lives. I can’t wait for them to get ready, to come along, to be ready when I am ready. We’re ready in our own time.
And so today, I let go. I feel the same pain I did when I said good-bye to trapping myself waiting for my mom to be ready to come along, to return to the land of love where joy existed, where the future was created, where loving communion in relationship was, where peace was waiting for us to embrace.
I have built a tribe of positive and growing people around me. We will march into the future together, hand-in-hand, looking for and creating what’s good. I will not be waiting for those whose timing is different than mine. Everyone has his or her own time. I will not stop loving them. I will still stop relating to them. I will not stop welcoming them into my life.
But I will no longer wait for them to catch up. I will love them the way they are, and wish them the best, and when they are ready and wanting to come along to the land of bliss, where fear, anger, blaming, discrimination, racism, hatred, scarcity, and needing to win by making others lose, does not exist, they will be received in my embrace.
So let me state this: I believe Black Lives Matter (because they do). I believe All Lives Matter (because they do). I believe in the goodness of our police (super-servants!). I believe that police officers, like any of us, should receive the gift of confrontation with compassion and guidance when they are hurting others. I believe we can save our planet even while many others seem to lack awareness of how they are destroying it. I will care for the sick that others are making ill. I will encourage the downtrodden, support those wanting not to go it alone, and love those open to receiving my love.
I will see and support the lovers that notice how important their gifts and talents are to others who are in need. I celebrate generosity and empathy, dedication, and service to humanity.
I believe Biden will work with diligence to unify us as a country, and many of us will join him because cooperating feels better than fighting. There will be many who will not join this movement, and that is their right. I will respect their need for more lessons to find out their fears are unfounded, and that rejecting and judging others will not get them what they need. I will not attack them, berate them, or expect them to be someone they’re not.
I let go of the hurts I have caused others this past year, knowing love has always been my intent, even though at times poorly expressed. I let go of those who have rejected me. I will not demand they understand me. And I will not demand they explain themselves so I can understand them. I will share with those who like to share. I will forgive others whether they forgive me or not. I will respectfully stand for truth when others don’t care.
I know who I am. I know I am love. I know I am growing and imperfect. I know I make mistakes, and forgive myself for them. I will not try to win people over to a better life, although I will remain open to supporting them when they are ready for it.
I judge no one. I respect everyone, especially those I do not understand or who do not care about me. We're all on our own path. Just as I accept my own failings, I accept the failings of others as well. I do not take their opinions personally. I know when they see me clearly and when they don’t. They are not here to please me. I am here to own with honesty the wholeness of who I am, with or without their approval.
I am ready to move on. I join with enthusiasm those who seek love, fairness, integrity, respect, honesty, compassion, and truth. I am raising the level of vibration of my tribe. Some will drop out. New ones will join.
I release you from needing to please me. I take responsibility for my own mission, behaviors, and feelings. I will stand up when I see people hurting others, but I will reject no one. I am one with all, not better than or worse than anyone. I choose happiness, and link arms with all who want to walk this path with me.
I love you, and that will never change. My heart has grown bigger this year. And it will grow bigger yet in the year to come. I hope many of you will join me. The journey can be easier if we trek it together.
Love,
David
