My Adventure In Denial

 I was recently referred for a prostate biopsy.  I was told I would have the results in "3 - 5 days."

Since it was beyond the 3 days of the biopsy procedure, and I had not yet heard from my doctor, I was asked by a friend if I planned to call to get the results.  I responded that I was in no hurry to hear, and planned to simply wait until the doctor reached out to me with a report.  My friend was surprised by this, saying her approach would be to be proactive in getting the information, so if something needed to be done, the process could begin as soon as possible.  That makes a lot of sense.  I had a different motive for my choice, however.

 

I replied that was rather enjoying not knowing the result of my test, and appreciated the opportunity to consciously choose the denial of not knowing a few more days.  

 

Most of us spend time in denial from an unconscious place.  I realized I had the opportunity to choose denial from a conscious place – so I could observe the benefits of denial, not from a clinical point of view, but from the vantage point of watching from the “inside out”.  I wanted to understand more about what it is that leads us into our fantasies and why we stay there.

I became aware of the following:

 

I felt at peace, realizing that guarding myself against bad news in this way gave me a chance to stay distant from the truth, in case it was an unsavory truth.  If I don’t know there’s a problem, I don’t have to face doing anything about it.

 

I felt the power of excusing myself of responsibility of changing my life in some way to cope with the truth of my diagnosis.  Not knowing meant I didn’t have feel uncomfortable about what was really going on, and I was not required to do anything different, or even think anything different that would upset my status quo.

 

My life was not threatened immediately, and denying knowledge would not hurt me or my family for quite some time down the road.

 

This gave me expanded insight into why I believe some people assume what’s comfortable rather than choose to learn about what causes problems.  It allows me not to care about those less fortunate than myself so I can ignore: 

 

·      sick people who can’t afford health care,

·      immigrants in need of safety, a place to live, and a job, 

·      the effective ways to prevent abortions rather than insisting on methods that have proven again and again not to work, 

·      how I can maintain comfort believing the myth that everyone has an equal chance to get ahead because I was able to do it, 

·      the droughts, the floods, the fires, the melting glaciers, the decades of data that show if we don’t change our direction we’re headed for an early demise,

·      my safety in staying with my own kind and not risking the unknown of associating with people different from me racially, socio-economically, educationally, etc.,

·      how my denial can allow me to create in my imagination the outcome of an election without evidence, rather than supporting an outcome supported by evidence,

·      disturbing the comfort of simply judging those I don’t understand because learning can sometimes be hard (the LBGT community, racism, how my prejudice hurts people, etc.), 

·      that denying history means I don’t have to think about injustice to those around me, 

·      that it’s OK to steal what belongs to someone else regardless of how it affects others,

·      that banning books deepens my ignorance and that of others, and that I am not helping others by drawing them into my own fear,

 

and so on …

 

In short, I understood there’s a lot of payoffs to entertain and remain in denial, and it helps me understand why people do so, as I did, to maintain a comfort level not knowing what the truth is, so I don’t have to adjust my life in light of it.

 

With my new realizations, I can now choose whether to hide my head in the sand about things that make me uncomfortable, or choose to deal with them asap to make my life and the world a better place.

Thankfully, There is a Path Out of the Mess

One of the greatest challenges of a psychologist is negotiating a way to help people let down the defenses that protect their denial of reality, so they can embrace the world as it is and resolve the maladies associated with not living fully in the real world where problems are solvable.

Over the years, I have observed an increase in these denial defenses, a sign that people are being overwhelmed with fears that their lives are out of control.

Remaining in denial has had devastating consequences, not just for individuals, but for our society as well.

Fires, floods, tornadoes, record heat, hurricanes, pummeling rain storms, rising insurance premiums to cover the damage, all on the increase, are not yet enough to pierce our fear-fed defenses of the truth about climate change.

I've noticed there's a large segment of our society that is blaming President Biden for rising gas prices, seemingly content to remain in denial that the president, whether a Republican or a Democrat, does not control the factors effecting gas prices, while giving a pass to those in Congress who do have power to influence these costs but don’t.  Choosing ignorance has a cost.

Gun violence continues in the wake of fear that the loss of the potential need for a gun (or enjoying the entertainment of such) overrides the right of more than 45,000 Americans to live.

 

Although research has shown time and time again that limiting access to abortion does not reduce the number of abortions (it usually delays them to later in the term and then are performed in less sanitary and more dangerous conditions), our society faces a renewed challenge to ignore what is real to perpetuate what is false.  Already having the highest maternal mortality rate of any country in the western world (by more than double), we seem content to expand the risk to mothers and increase that mortality rate even further.  There has been plentiful testing and real world experience to show us what strategies really reduce abortions, but we choose not to use them.  

 

As I write this, we are in the midst of the Hearings on the Riot of January 6, 2021, and we will each have the opportunity to choose whether we will stand for truth substantiated by facts, or “truth” we make up without evidence to support it.

 

I have often been amazed at the level of pain required to motivate humans to reconsider their denial and realize it’s not working for them.  Convincing people that facing the truth is the way out of their dilemmas requires finding a way to support them in overcoming the fears that lock them into self-destruction.

 

I believe that supporting people that are in fear and showing them a less painful way out of implosion is a more effective choice than simply waiting for the pain to increase enough for us to change.

 

Most parents are familiar with the pain of watching their children make mistakes in judgment due to their lack of information or support, which is often rejected by the offspring of well-meaning parents.  This frustration is shared by the empaths of the world who face the same challenge of dealing with the powerlessness to help their friends and neighbors out of self-created despair.

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Challenges are inevitable, but suffering is optional.  May we develop the emotional maturity to listen, care, and respond to the fears within us and in those around us that are caught in the delusion of believing that remaining protective of our prejudices will lead to satisfaction.  Being informed or uninformed are choices, determined mostly whether we are guided by love of the truth or fear of it.

 

As a psychologist, I experienced that only a small percentage of the population had the inner strength or support to confront the fears that kept them isolated, anxious, and depressed.  So it is with voters who either choose a victim and/or blaming role as a more desirable alternative to actually believing that the truth can set them free.

 

The question is not that the truth is that illusive; the question is whether it is important enough for us to pursue.

 

The good news is this:  Although we have limited ability to set others free from their fear and pain, we have the power to set ourselves free from it, and that is our primary responsibility.  I applaud the thousands of individuals who I had the privilege and honor to help through the process of shifting from ineffective choices to effective ones.  My heart is full of gratitude for their courage, and how their fierceness has inspired me to remain open to the truth.  

 

I have witnessed the miracles of embracing integrity and the liberation it brings, and I share with all of you the relief, utter joy, and personal power experienced from being real with each other, of risking rejection to unshackle ourselves from self-delusion, and experience the peace and fulfillment of life that comes from living in the real world.

 

I bow to your magnificence, and how you make the world a better place for me to live.  Your love does not go unappreciated.

 

Blessings,

 

David

Climate Change Update 2022

Ten of the hottest years on record have occurred in the last 16 years. (NASA)

This past year, California recorded its driest year in decades.

Over the last 30 years, the number of wildfires has doubled.  Eight of the 10 largest fires ever in California have taken place in the last 5 years.  

Two Hundred Twenty (220) medical journals came out agreeing that global warming is the world’s greatest threat to global health. (NOAA)

 

Heat is rising at the polar ice caps at twice the rate of the rest of the world.  The ice caps are our only hope for cooling the earth back down.  We do not know how to get that ice back.

The oceans have risen one foot in the last 100 years.  They are on track to rise another foot in the next 30 years.  In communities like Boston, buildings are being built on hydraulics so they can be raised as the sea rises.

 

Property losses due to natural disasters (wildfires, tornadoes, hurricanes, floods) have more than tripled since 2015.  Have you noticed what that’s done to your insurance premiums?

 

According to the Journal of Nature Climate Change, by 2050, most of Grand Bahamas, Nassau, and 30% of Tybee Island, will be submerged.  In addition to sea level rise, tides will rise 4 ft on the west coast, and parts of Seattle will be under water. 

 

By 2070, 10 populated parts of the UK, and the country of Maldives will be gone.

By 2100, Galveston and ½ of Charleston will be submerged.  Hoboken, NY, across from Manhattan, will lose 8 feet of its shoreline.  In the LA area, Santa Monica and Long Beach will be the first to go.

 

Forty percent (40%) of the world’s population live on the coasts.  How many of them will be moving to your area?

 

Denial is a wonderful thing because it protects us from the anxiety of what’s happening in the real world.  The ol’ ‘stick your head in the sand’ approach may reduce anxiety, but only allows the continued deterioration of our planet, which will eventually destroy it and our future ancestors.

 

One Hundred Thirty Five (135) nations around the world are committed to carbon neutrality.  Two countries have already achieved carbon neutral status (Bhutan and Suriname).  Following closely behind are Albania, Iceland, and Paraguay, who obtain essentially all of their electric from renewable sources. Costa Rica has become the first country in the world to become fossil-fuel-free.  

 

Three countries use more than half of the world’s fossil fuels – the United States, China, and India.  The U.S. uses 4 times as much as China (16 times more per capita)    and 11 times more than India (46 times more per capita).  The US is the clearest abuser of climate protection.

Thankfully, many in the U.S. are working to catch up with the rest of the world to protect it.  It will require sacrifice from all of us.  Difficult as it may be, this is much better than the alternative of destroying the planet.  We, too, can become leaders to save the world.

 

How about we hop on that?

Love in the Midst of Denial: An Appreciation of Those Who Face Their Fears

Psychology is known as the observation and prediction of human behavior.

As a psychologist, denial is a fascinating thing to watch. It is a strategy we use to protect our emotions when we feel we do not have the capability to cope with the truth.

For example, we recently experienced the driest year (2021) in the Western United States in 1200 years (Journal of Nature Climate Change). Moreover, the direction of increasing droughts cannot be reversed. There are not enough cooling ice masses left to cool the planet. 

Many studies have also concluded that 2/3 or more of our COVID deaths could have been avoided if our government had not denied the virus in the beginning - that's 600,000 people that could be alive today had we the courage to face truth.

As in most cases of denial, the situation does not go away as we hope, but continues to escalate until we can no longer ignore it. Many will need to continue to block awareness in order to deal with their anxiety about coping with reality. Thankfully, others have confidence they can face real challenges and do something positive to influence what hurts people.

The oceans have risen about 12 inches in the last 100 years. We are at a pace now that it will only take 30 years to rise the next foot (National Oceanic and Atmoshereic Administration). Since 40% of the US population live on the Coast, people there are impacted faster than those in the middle of the country ($40 billion damage expected, to be paid by rising insurance premiums and tax dollars).

If there's ever a time for love (actually its always been a time for love), it is now. Empathy is being able to understand the experiences of others without having to experience them ourselves. It's being willing to be educated about what's going on around us, even though it may not yet affect us directly. (In Boston Harbor, for example, contractors erect buildings on hydraulic pillars so the buildings can be raised as the ocean level rises.)

It is not helpful to judge those in denial, for we are all doing the best we can with the skills and awareness we have. Hats off though, to those who are aware, and do what's necessary to improve humanity while others remain unable to face what is.

As the old song goes, "Love, love, love, that's what it's all about!" Today, I salute those who are paying attention and care enough to act reponsibly in a time of true need. I appeciate you. :-)

Guns in the USA Update

In the last 8 years, gun sales have doubled from about 20 million to 40 million per year. (70% of sales are handguns.) We have more guns per capita than any other country, including Yemen, The Falkland Islands, Serbia and all the Scandanvian and European countries.

In the last 8 years, guns deaths have risen along with the increase in number of guns from about 32,000 to 40,000+ per year.

44% of American homes have guns, with the average gun owner possessing 5 firearms. Gun owners or their family members are 3x more likely to die from a gunshot than the non-gun-owning families.

As has been shown world-wide, as the number of untracked guns increases, so do the deaths, and visa versa. In Canada, for example, gun deaths went down 50% when buyers were required to have background checks and register their guns. In the United States, 40% of guns are sold without background checks or registration, and 191 our of every 192 guns in US are not registered.) 

In another example, in Australia mass shootings declined 95% over 10 years once semi-automatic firearms were restricted.

In an examination of 130 studies in 2016, death reduction occurred when stricter gun safety standards went into effect in 10 different countries around the world. (ABC). 

In the year following when the Brady Bill went into effect in 1993, 400,000 illegal guns were kept off the streets. Research shows us time and time again that the more safety controls that are put in place regarding gun use, the safer societies become.

Because of the popularity of civilian gun ownership in the United States, it's likely that we will overtake Brazil as having the highest rate of gun deaths per capita in the world. But it is helpful to know that if we moved in the direction of gun safety, honoring life like countries such as New Zealand, Japan, or Italy, many lives would be saved.

Most guns are purchased out of fear, and are used for "protection." However, 98% of all guns fired at a humans are used against people offensively, not defensively. In other words, except in the most violent corners of our nation, we are 50 times more likely to hurt someone else with our guns than for our guns to protect us.

We will never eliminate firearm deaths, but we could use successful strategies of other gun-toting countries to get us out of being in the top 1% most likely countries in the world to be killed by a gun.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Jan. 1, 2022

My thoughts as we begin the New Year: 

 

We all hope that this year will be better than the last.  We hope for freshness, newness, unity, and relief from stress.  We hope for health (and not just physical health).  We hope for joy, for peace, for an end to hate and violence.  We hope we will be reborn with new attitudes, new vigor, new excitement for what will come.

 

I am reminded of Albert Einstein’s quote:  “We cannot solve our problems with same level of thinking we used to create them.”

 

A Course in Miracles student will know that holding grudges, blaming others for wrongdoing, or getting angry at others or what’s happening in the world, is not only ineffective in solving the world’s challenges, it creates them.  It reinforces our false belief that judging others or pressuring others to change will solve our problems.

There’s another quote from Einstein where he whimsically, yet truthfully observes:  “Two things are infinite.  The universe and stupidity.  And I’m not sure about the universe.”

 

“Stupidity” sounds like a judgment to me; I would have chosen a different word.  But I believe Einstein is referring to how readily we accept misinformation, the lack of desire to seek truth, and how we forego love in favor of condemnation or thinking we're superior to others, or think that violence (verbal or physical) can change the world.  This is trying to solve the world’s problems with same kind of thinking that created them.

 

This must change or the world will not change.

 

If we want a better 2022, it is each of us that must change.  We must embrace love & forgiveness.  We must see people for what they are capable of, not for how they are acting in the present.  We must see the light in each other instead of the darkness. We must release the idea that resisting others, doing harm to others, or seeing ourselves as better or smarter, or more deserving than others, will somehow move us forward.

 

I want a better 2022 than 2021.  Do you?  In order for me to create a better world, I must be better at loving, better at supporting, better at seeing every human being as my equal, better at being sensitive the needs of those different from me.  I must be better at caring instead of rejecting, better at welcoming rather than excluding.  I must give up judgment of others and turn it into understanding.  I must trade my desire to be right for a desire for what’s best for everyone, not just myself.  

So, here are some of my intentions for the coming year.  If you see fit, join me in whichever of these make sense to you.  Ask yourself, how can I change my thinking this year that will lead to a better 2022?

 

1)   I commit to understanding my neighbor’s behavior instead of judging it.

 

2)   I trust the Light that I am to be a positive influence, instead of doubting whether I can make a difference.

 

3)   I forgive without exception any behaviors that I disagree with.  I acknowledge everyone is doing their best.

 

4)   I will forgive myself for my mistakes, as I forgive others for theirs.

 

5)   I will have empathy, not condemnation, for those whose internal pain causes them to inflict pain on others.

 

6)   I will watch for those who have less than I’ve been given, and seek to share what I have with them, as a sign I trust I always have enough, and that everyone is as worthy as I to be blessed.

 

What intentions would you add?  How will your thinking be different from the past, so that the hope you have for a better world this year becomes a reality?  

 

I agree with Einstein that only upgrading our thinking, our awareness of truth, our willingness to change ourselves, has any hope of changing the world we experience.

 

I am committed to doing my part.