As I approach my 63rd birthday this month, I have
been spending some time looking backward and seeing the victories, defeats,
blessings and graces of a life now likely 2/3 done, wondering both what lies
ahead, and evaluating what lies behind.
Drawn to a number of mission fields over the years, not all
of which have been easy, I’ve learned that my contributions have been unique,
and the longer I live, the more value I see in me. I’ve had the challenges of overcoming
depression, anxiety, financial disaster, bad attitudes, negative people, physical
illnesses and accidents, rejection, ridicule, misunderstandings, failures,
attacks, thefts, and betrayals. I’ve
been cheated, ripped off, lied to. My
mistakes have been some of my best teachers, and I’ve had the honor of
entertaining lots of forgiveness lessons!
Through it all, I have survived. There have been more successes than failures.
Well, perhaps not any failures – just learning opportunities. I’ve experienced the gift of love countless
times over, plucked from disaster by angels of mercy, and granted grace-filled
gifts beyond which I could have imagined as a child.
I’ve learned that I can’t control others, or save them, but
I can love them. I can wish for them,
believe in them, invite them, even nudge them, toward peace and joy; yet each
one must decide when they are ready for bliss.
I can’t sell them or convince them, like I tried to for so many years,
that life is good, and that we are not victims without recourse. Life does, however, have to be embraced.
I have wept with those whose losses have crushed their
lives, shared tears and hugs when tragedies have claimed peoples’ hopes for the
future, and rejoiced in the witness of countless miracles.
They say you regret more what you didn’t do than what you
did do. I think that’s true for me. I don’t think I regret anything I’ve done –
except when I’ve hurt people unknowingly.
The only thing I can remember not doing that I regret is not taking piano
lessons. My mom offered them, but I
thought I didn’t have time ‘cause I was too busy playing baseball to practice
piano. I had no idea what learning to
play the piano could have opened up for me.
I’d love to be playing piano in my free time now. (Maybe I will still learn!)
I am glad I learned to play the guitar, that I sang in
choirs, that I played in a band, that I learned to swim, that I acted in plays,
that I gave my all to sports, that I opened myself up to God’s love, that I
honored the missions to which I have been called. I’m glad I took risks when it was scary, and that
I noticed every time I lost something I thought was important, something better
came into my life. I’m glad I learned to
appreciate life, to look for the positive.
I’m glad I learned that gratitude burns away disappointment and grief,
that doing little things for people is really doing big things for people.
Author or co-author of 4 books, 6 careers, 10 businesses, one
marriage, two beautiful children, life-changing programs, and a stunning purpose
in life now well-appreciated, I’ve learned that my life, with the help of
angels unaware, has been of my own making, with strong spiritual guidance and
love coming from unexpected sources.
I wonder what I’ll do with what’s left? I feel wiser, stronger, more fortunate,
gifted, clear about how I can still make a difference, and grateful for
undeserved kindnesses. When I have
forgotten God, He has not forgotten me. My
commitment to being the best me remains constant, and each day I seek to allow
a little more joy into my life. That’s
fun. J I see the light in me and in others with much
greater ease, and find myself smiling in the awareness that love is all that
matters, and every day I get a chance to be it.
