Calming Your Life In A Stress-filled World

We live in a fast-paced society, don't we? Managing work with home responsibilities, getting kids to their many activities, and struggling to make ends meet financially challenge our resourcefulness.

For many families, it seems like there is something going every night of the week. We're drawn between family and friends, between hanging out with others or staying at home, between being with family members or being left alone. If it's not the laundry, it’s the dishes or the housecleaning or the garage door repair or the computer problems or the grocery shopping or the meal-making or church activities or, or, or…

The trouble with being so busy is that it forces us to always be leaning our attention into the future. When do I have to be at my next commitment? What's next? If I pick up the kids from school and take them to piano lessons, will I make it to my doctor's appointment on time…?

We cannot place our mind both in the present and in the future at the same time. By needing to keep thinking toward the future, we have trouble remaining in the present. And it is only in the present that joy exists. Even when the future comes, many of us are thinking about the next thing we need to get to, and miss the present then!

The evidence for our society depression can be observed in this high-paced lifestyle. It used to be we enjoyed "Leave It to Beaver" and picnics in the park. Now we seem to need sex on the screen, killing in the movies, and shocking reality shows on TV to feel like we're alive. We've numbed ourselves out from the stress, and need the adrenaline rush to convince us we're having fun.

As with any addiction, the desired emotional effect fades quickly, and we must go back for more distraction to deal with our discomfort. We think the answer to our boredom lies in keeping busy, when often it is busyness that leads to boredom. There is little fulfillment in pushing from activity to activity.

The answer is simple, but not easy. Simple, because changing just one thing can really make a difference. This is it: SLOW DOWN.

I say "not easy" because most of us believe we can't, or we again tell ourselves scary stories about what will happen if we do: " I'll run out of money." " People will think I'm lazy." "Doing more means getting more out of life."

For now, begin with this

Focus your attention on your breathing.

Yep, that’s it.

You don’t have to do anything else. For this week, just pause 3 times a day for 3 minutes and focus on your breathing. Just breathe and notice. If you must do something else while focusing on your breathing, notice something of beauty in front of you, like a flower or the amazing sky.

Simple, isn’t it? Yes, but not easy. You may run into increased levels of anxiety as you begin this. You may have a gremlin in your head or in your family that will try to convince you it’s a waste of time or that it won’t work. Don’t buy into it. Conscious breathing is an effective way to practice single-minded focus, an essential element in experiencing joy.

Stop and smell the roses, my friend. There's time. Really.

(David Larson is a psychologist and personal life coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )

Experiencing Relief Now

"You can always cope with the now, but you can never cope with the future, nor do you have to. It doesn’t exist. It's a phantom. The answer, the strength, the right action, or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after."

-- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

We cannot have peace when our mind is in the future. We worry by creating scary stories about what could happen, might happen, or will happen. We're afraid we won't be able to control ourselves or our situation or others' decisions that affect us. We worry that our loved ones won't be safe. We worry we won't have enough money. We worry there won't be enough love. We worry about losing our jobs and about our health problems. We even worry about our own funerals!

We lack the faith we will be able to handle it.

In my e-book, How To Stop Your Anxiety Now! (http://www.how-to-stop-your-anxiety-now.com/callthecoach.htm), I ask the questions, "Do you have what you need now?" "Has there ever been a time in your life when you didn't get what you needed?"

The answer to the first question is always "yes". We have what we need in this moment. In this moment, we are alive. In this moment, we are loved. In this moment, we have the ability to improve our situation, whatever it is. ANY time in the future will always end up being a "now", and we will continue to handle it in that now, not this now.

The answer to the second question is always "no". We have always gotten what we needed to survive, or we wouldn't be here. Has it always been fun? No. Has it been painful at times? Yes. Did we always get what we wanted? No. Did we receive what we needed in that moment, in that experience, in that time, to survive, to make it to where we are today? Yes!

The point is we handled it. We always handle it. Perhaps not perfectly. Perhaps not without discouragement or loneliness or challenge. Perhaps we needed lots of support. But we did make it.

We will always make it.

After speaking one day with a woman dying of cancer, I said to her, "I don’t know if I could cope with this if it happened to me."

"Yes, you could," she said. "After all, what's the alternative to coping? Not coping? If it happened to you, you would choose to cope, because coping is better than not coping. And you'll be surprised what you'll learn you can do."

I learned something important that day. Something about my own resourcefulness, something about the power of God, and something about how my needs never go unnoticed, never go unanswered. Even in death, we are headed on to better things.

What is your concern, your worry? Has a friend betrayed you? Is your marriage under great stress? Is someone important to you very sick? Are you lonely? Do you live in constant pain? Have you been a victim of crime? Have you lost your money, your job, a loved one?

I have lived through all of these things. I believe you can too. Your trials may come in a different form, with different types of challenges. But I believe you're up to it.

Whatever we need at the time will be given to us - at that time - in that now. You don't have to worry if you can handle it. You can handle it.

Are you making it? Yes. Are you asking for enough support to make it easier on yourself? I hope so. You are more resourceful than you think.

(David Larson, C.P.C.C., is a Licensed Psychologist and Personal Life Coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )