Why This Independent Is Voting Democratic This Year

“It’s common for Americans to vote against their own best interest.”

- Pursah

Over the years I have refrained from joining any political party in order to sustain some sense of objectivity in evaluating the issues. By remaining a political independent, I have discovered I can hear facts, that in belonging to either the Republican or Democratic Party, I might be unable to acknowledge. Besides, perhaps like many of you, the personal attacks and negativity that have become standard campaigning protocol by members of both parties represent a style of leadership I do not support.

This year, however, I have decided to vote primarily democrat. I would like to tell you why.

I have been particularly observant of a momentum toward conservatism in recent months that has surprised me a bit, especially considering both historical perspectives and the recent realities we’ve been experiencing as a nation.

What President Obama has been able to accomplish in his short time in office has been jaw-droppingly amazing to me. Out of dozens of achievements that could be highlighted, I cite here only a few:

• Sweeping Health Care Reform that allows millions of Americans to receive the health care they need, while putting sick people previously unable to work back on the job to pay taxes and help reduce our debt.

• Implementing the Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act to prevent any more bailouts.

• Ending the war in Iraq.

• Successfully confronting the banks and credit card companies in providing consumer protection through the Credit Card Reform Act.

• Restoring the image of America abroad by becoming again a team player with other nations.

• Taking serious steps to promote the long awaited United States’ participation in a world-wide focus on addressing global warming.

• Putting more than 2 million people back to work and bringing into reality the building of bridges, repairing of roads, funding education, promoting alternative energy resources, and providing incentives for new forms of massive transit through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.

• Fully funding the Veteran’s Administration and providing compassion and long overdue funding to families of fallen soldiers.

• Saving the failing auto industry while keeping thousands of Americans employed and Americans buying American-made.

• Delivering a stimulus package that provided a tax cut to 95% of American workers.

• Presiding over a gain of more than 22% in the stock market.

• Orchestrating the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Agreement Review with 47 other nations, moving us as a world out of stalemate into international cooperation toward eliminating nuclear weapons from the planet.

• Expanded loans for small businesses, programs to protect the environment, college aid funding for needy students, and improved Medicare coverage for seniors

In checking through sources such as Politifact.com, I was reminded that Obama has fulfilled 122 of his campaign promises in less than two years.

In addition, seven of ten economic indicators have improved since Obama began taking action, showing signs of a true economic recovery. (Businessweek)

This, in my mind, is remarkable achievement.

Although there is still much work ahead, our forgetfulness and impatience can easily mislead us. Remember, it took Clinton 5 years to turn the largest national deficit in history into a surplus. If Clinton’s plan had been allowed to continue, the projected national debt was to have been eliminated by 2010 (yes, now). However, George W. Bush, in his first year of office, immediately reversed this surplus by way of new tax cuts to the rich - 70% of federal tax-cut money went to the top 2% of wealthiest Americans (New York Times).

We have been struggling to recover ever since. Since George W’s deficit spending was three times that of his father’s, Obama’s challenge is greater than Clinton’s. It is reasonable to expect it will take a while to turn this deficit around.

But the problem has not only been recent. It has, in fact, been consistent. Since the 1960’s, the last 4 Democratic presidents have brought the deficit down, while the last 4 Republican presidents have increased the deficit substantially. In fact, as msnbc reported, 2/3 of our total national debt was created during the reign of the last 3 republican presidents – more than twice as much as all other US presidents combined. Despite the fact that Republicans like to tote an image that they are good at controlling spending, history shows that they consistently outspend their Democratic counterparts.

It’s not that Democrats don’t spend money. However, they tend to spend it on things that respond to human need, improve the economy and create jobs. (Remember, Bill Clinton created more jobs than any other president in history – more than 22 million).

We need to keep philosophies in government that represent progress, not set-back. That’s why this year, I am supporting demonstrated effective policy by voting Democratic.

Many Republicans have good ideas. The Republican strategies, however, need to be tempered by historically demonstrated Democratic compassion and effectiveness, and a continued “yes we can,” not “no we won’t” thinking.

Unless we can commit to voting at the polls from reason and thoughtfulness, instead of from fear and hype, it’s possible we may once again end up voting against our own best interest.

(David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist, life coach, and leadership trainer. He can be contacted at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.)

Making the Most of the Time You Have Left

Do all you can, with what you have, in the time you have, in the place you are.

-Nkosi Johnson, twelve year old Zulu boy, living with AIDS

Tom arrived at the local radio station a little late. He was to begin his usual midnight shift as a talk show host.. He was tired, wishing he could just go to bed and sleep like most people do on a Friday night.

“I hope I get some good discussions tonight,” he thought as he checked over last minute responsibilities before going on the air.

The usual conversations unfolded. People having trouble sleeping called in to share their woes, or just talk to pass the time. Some spoke of political concerns or relationship problems. But nothing prepared him for the call he got from Sam just before dawn.

“You see,” said Sam, “I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic,” he told Tom. “The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on the average, folks live about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.”

“It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.”

Sam’s voice became more focused.

“So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.”

“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”

Tom’s ears were really perked by now.

“Tom, this morning I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday, then I have been given a little extra time. After all, half the people my age are already gone.”

Sam hung up with Tom still a little off balance. He thought about that call the rest of his shift, as sun began to dawn on his own Saturday, and has done the same almost every Saturday since then.

How much time did he have left, he wondered? What was he doing with the present moment he had? Where did he focus his energy and time? If he had a marble jar, how close would he be to his last marble?

How about you?

What would you do tonight, this weekend, if you were on your last marble?

Do it now.

How do you know you haven’t already used your last marble?

What will you do about that?

(Story adapted from an unknown source by David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C. He can be contacted at 507-373-7913, or at his website, http://www.callthecoach.com/.)

Love Never Ends Video

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Keeping Marriage Alive 5: Sustaining Real Love

(This is the final column in a five part series on keeping the life in our intimate relationships.)

Most of us have high expectations of married life. We gather up a host of hopes and dreams and put them into one basket called marriage.

It stands to reason, when you think about it. When we are dating, our passions are a flame, adrenaline is flowing, and we have the courage to dream of a future filled with the completion of our heart’s desires.

In a way, you might say, biology plays a trick on us. Our hormones are raging and physiologically we are wired for optimism, excitement, and dreams come true. Our friends and family often join in the excitement, sharing in our heart-felt aspirations.

In addition, we see the happiness of those joining together in elaborate (or at least uniquely special) preparations and ceremonies on TV and in the movies, scenes carefully crafted to fit romantic ideals, with any hints of disappointment or the challenges of actually working out a relationship overlooked or left out.

Yes, we are programmed for high expectations. We emphasize joy, and resist thinking about the challenges. Potential disappointments are minimized. We have the confidence that love will conquer all.

Gradually, real life hits us. The bills come. We have problems on the job. The car breaks down; laundry piles up. Another diaper to change. Another feeding at 3am. We get tired. We get the flu. The checkbook bounces. So many distractions now. Hard to keep focused on our most important friend – our spouse.

Now we’re just living together. We stop talking. Where did that specialness go? The dream starts slipping away. It’s harder than we thought. It takes more work now. What’s wrong with us, we think.

We start to pick at our mate because we’re disappointed. We see his/her shortcomings. Why can’t she change that harping? Why doesn’t he listen to me? Where did the spark go? We slip into ordinary. This is not what we signed up for. Now what?

Hang on . . .there’s hope! Yes, we can get it back! We don’t have to “settle”. What we do need is time to get refocused.

The challenge here may be that we forgot we married to serve. When we were engaged, we thought, “I want to make you happy.” Lately we’ve been thinking, “I’m not happy with him.” The distractions and responsibilities are real, yes. Yet, this is the challenge and gift marriage gives us. How can I continue to love with zest and enthusiasm when the stakes get higher, when I’m no longer receiving the attention I once did from my special one?

One possibility lies in renewing my commitment. This is when I remember I married in order to support and care for, because I wanted to give, because I wanted someone to love.

So the important questions become: What am I no longer doing that I once did that kept our relationship exciting? Am I willing to do these things again? How can I surprise her? What meant the most to him earlier in our relationship? What does he/she need from me now?

This kind of love takes effort, more effort than it took in the beginning. But that’s OK. It’s still worth it. I have been given someone to love. It is part of my purpose on this planet. I will not forget this. I will remember there is joy in serving, in giving, in planning how to make someone’s life special. It remains a mission. I will help my mate grow into the best he/she can be. I realize I made this commitment in the beginning, and that this commitment was part of what brought juice to our relationship.

How will I treat my mate special today, tomorrow, this week?

I will spend 5 minutes today thinking about how to be love to my spouse. I will emphasize it. I will initiate, because I know I want the spark back. I will talk about my wishes with my spouse. I will ask what he/she needs. I will tell him/her what I

We will dream again together. We can! We can again have common goals and desires, and work together to achieve them. I will see a counselor or marriage coach if I need to. I’m open to receiving help. I will not be stopped.

What is it you both need? What is it you both want? Remember the old adage, “United we stand, divided we fall.” Around what goal can you get united? How can you make it fun to work at it together?

(David Larson, licensed psychologist, is a counselor and personal coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com)

Keeping Relationships Alive 4: Letting Go of Grudges

(This is the fourth in a five part series on keeping the life in our intimate relationships.)

“When my wife’s upset with me, she sometimes doesn’t talk to me for a couple of weeks,” said one concerned client. “That’s a long time to be in the dog house.”

Yes, indeed! Moments shared with those we love are too precious to squander on prolonged bickering, cold shoulders, and “the silent treatment.”

As I mentioned in a previous section in this series, people often automatically perceive conflict as a problem in a relationship. Conflict itself can be valued because it is evidence that individuals are bringing forth their uniqueness. We realize this may clash with our own. It is not the presence or absence of conflict that signals the health of a relationship, but rather how those moments of conflict are resolved.

If the disagreement leads to deeper understanding of the other person’s perspective on life, an appreciation for that person’s uniqueness, stimulation for growth on the part of both parties, and is worked through in a spirit of respect, the conflict moves the relationship forward.

Conflict becomes a drain on a relationship if the disagreement is used as a mechanism to hurt the other person, tear someone down, see one’s self as “better than,” or does not get resolved promptly.

One of the practices that burdens a relationship is when the pain on either or both sides is not acknowledged, and the negative energy is held within. There is little that will stop a romance faster than holding a grudge. If we are to keep love alive in our marriage, we need to develop the skill of letting go of hurts and disappointments. This is much easier said than done, of course, so let me share a few hints that may help.

1) Let’s consider that our mate, no matter how great he or she is, will not always be able to understand our point of view. We need to have other relationships to reach out to for support that go beyond our mate. When we seek support from others, we can find release in expressing our frustration, and receive support for hanging onto our own self-esteem while our concerns are being worked out. Since we all experience frustration in this area, we can know we are not alone in this struggle.

2) If no one is available to talk to, then we can do something with the pent up energy so it does not depress or distract us from other important activities, such as attending to our children. We can write out our feelings, journal, walk, run, practice a tension releasing breathing technique or yoga, take a hot bath, or use the energy to get something done, like the laundry, the dishes, the lawn, cleaning out the garage or a closet.

3) We can practice seeing the love behind the behavior. Often people have good intentions, but their choice of sharing their love does not fit with what we need. Correcting our spouse, giving advice, even yelling at them, for some people, can be a way they have learned to treat those they love. So don’t take anything personally, and realize that behind that facade of temper, forgetfulness, or insensitivity, is a special creation of God who is trying his or her best to get what they need too. Our partner needs our compassion and understanding as much as we need theirs.

4) Consider lightening up a bit. Sometimes we trap ourselves by taking life too seriously, by making “mountains out of molehills”. We can learn to laugh at ourselves and each other in an appreciative way. Forgive easily. Remind yourself "It is what it is." Let the fun come through.

5) We can keep communicating with our mate. We can approach him/her frequently with statements like, “I want to clear up this little spat we’ve been having”, or “I want you to know how I need to be treated to warm up to you”. We can write a letter if talking doesn’t seem realistic at the moment. This will allows us to choose our words carefully and give the other person time to think about what we’ve said and to respond rather than react.

Note: The goal of understanding and loving our mate does not mean allowing ourselves to be mistreated. If you are in an emotionally, spiritually, mentally, or physically abusive relationship, seek out help immediately to recover the positive life you were created to experience.

(David Larson, Licensed Psychologist, is a counselor and personal coach. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness at 507-373-7913 or at his website, www.callthecoach.com)

Keeping Marriage Alive 3: No Gain in Blame

(This is the third of a five part series in keeping the life in our intimate relationships.)

For any of us it seems, it’s easier to see the shortcomings in our mate than to see our own. We can be very quick to cite our disappointment in something our partner has said or done, believing it is their behavior that produces our dissatisfaction. This, however, is a myth.

When we were first in love, we may have seen the other person as the one who was “making us happy”. It would be more accurate to say it was the other person who helped us see the beauty already present in ourselves. If we believe that it was our partner who “made us happy”, then we will tend to see our partner as the one who makes us sad. This is what is referred to as “co-dependency”.

In a co-dependent relationship, we think life satisfaction comes from someone outside ourselves. Our expectations are high for the other person to be sensitive to our feelings, to stop drinking, to put their clothes away, to cut back on using the charge card, to respond to our sexual desires, and so on. If they don’t, we get mad, resentful, hurt, depressed even.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting things. In fact, it’s important to know what we want, and to ask for what we want. The rub comes when our wants become expectations for the other person to fulfill.

Herein lies a key distinction. It is important we are clear about what we want, and request, but do not demand our spouse be the one to fill this longing.

If I need help with the dishes, it’s important for me to ask. Not demand, not criticize, not complain. This is taking personal responsibility. If I need more help with the kids, I sit down with my partner and we talk through a plan that acknowledges the needs and desires of both partners. We negotiate to a “win-win” solution. This is taking personal responsibility. If my partner does not respond to my requests, I share my feelings about it, not scold, not yell, not blame.

If my partner continues to ignore my requests, I ask myself why I put up with such insensitivity. I put the focus on me. I return to acknowledge what my partner helped me see in the beginning – my worthiness of respect. Instead of expecting something from someone who does not want to give it, I take responsibility to give it to myself – I respect me. I call a friend to vent; I journal in my diary; I get support elsewhere. If this is still not working, I get counseling and keep reaching for a better life.

By taking responsibility to do my part in a respectful way, I sidestep the frustration and blame, and create the space for romance to flourish.

Action Step: Today, I will re-think how directly I ask for what I want in my relationship. Do I use a whiney voice? An angry one? Is there judgment in my words or tone? How can I clean it up? Am I willing to meet my mate in the eyes and let my feelings be known, expecting a positive response?

Today, I will tell my partner how meaningful our relationship is to me, and why it’s important for me to be heard. I am willing to listen back. I negotiate and compromise. I don’t complain. . . I explain. I believe in a positive outcome. It’s very likely my mate wants a happy marriage too. How can I appeal to that side of him or her to instill more cooperation? In short, what will I do to take care of myself in my marriage today?

(David Larson, licensed psychologist, is a counselor and life enrichment coach. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com

Everything Is Energy