Guidelines for Decision Making: What Do I Do?

Recently a friend of mine asked me how I go about making decisions. I hadn’t thought about this in a while, and it proved to be an enlightening conversation. I want to share part of what I learned both about myself and from others who joined the discussion.

Perhaps the following questions will help you as you move forward to make decisions that are meaningful and aligned with who you are.

1) What choice brings me the most joy?

Of all the emotions that guide us, joy is one that is among the most powerful. When I allow joy to guide me, I discover I not only have more fun, but am moved toward what gives my life meaning. I can give much more from a full gas tank than from an empty one. The right choice for me is usually not that which leads to suffering, but rather to joy. My choice, therefore, is not so much what I should do, as much as it is about what I want to do.

2) What will help me grow?

We aren’t put on this planet to stagnate, but to increase our ability to understand, love, create, and contribute. The better choice for me is often the one that stretches me to learn, to develop a skill, or to deepen my connection with those around me. So, often when deciding which way to turn, I ask myself which choice better supports or challenges me in being a better me?

3) Does the choice I’m making energize or deplete me?

Next to the joy factor, following my energy is my most important signpost. Decisions that are right for me most often enliven me, not drain me. Whether its deciding to change jobs, accepting a volunteer opportunity, visiting relatives, or choosing a recreational activity, doing what gives me energy not only makes for a satisfying choice, but strengthens me for greater service.

4) What do I need?

This goes beyond doing what I want, but considers what will be best for me, my body, my family, or my spiritual/emotional growth. Do I need to take a nap or a work out? Do I need to visit with a friend or have quiet time with myself? Do I need more information before moving ahead? Making sure my needs are met assures I will be best positioned to respond to the needs of others.

5) What does my intuition say?

We all have wisdom within that is smarter than the logic in our heads. We can know without knowing how we know. The mind can talk us in or out of anything, but our heart knows the truth. Is it safe to venture out in this storm? Can I trust him on a date? Who do I need to forgive? More and more I’m taking time daily to listen to the still, small voice. Are you?

6) What decision brings me the most peace?

We are created to be creatures of peace and joy. As someone once said, “Joy is peace dancing; Peace is joy resting.” What brings me the most peace – to invest or not invest? To apologize or refuse to apologize. To get the job done or delay it? To hold a grudge, or the let it go?

7) Does it serve my life purpose?

If you do not know your life purpose, it is important you find out, for how can you make decisions that lead you on your journey if you don’t know where you are going? What decision aligns with your mission? What is the most loving thing to do for all concerned? What serves the greater good?

8) Is it self-loving?

Does going to school or work when I’m sick honor me? Do I eat when I’m hungry, sleep when I’m tired? Do I beat up on myself inside my head or treat myself with kindness? There is not a decision I can think of that is not enriched by including the principle of self-love. This principle is so important that Jesus himself commanded that we love ourselves as much as we love others.

9) Is it easy?

Although some decisions feel treacherous to me, particularly if they represent a conflict in my values or if I am lacking information about the consequences of my choices, many times i step over the easy choice because I think it needs to be hard. It is often helpful for me to consider: Am I following the flow or resisting what is? Do I have to put our more energy than it’s worth? Does it feel like I’m swimming up stream or floating downstream? If I’m struggling, can I let go or redirect myself? If I notice I’m pushing up-hill, can I find an easier way? Am I willing to reach out to others for support?

10) Prayer

Call it meditation if you like. Quiet time. Openness to a Higher Power. There is a force greater than ourselves, and it will assist us if we let it. Struggle is optional. Releasing worries is recommended. Not going it alone brings guidance and relief. Asking for help often yields…help!

There you are. Ten ways to get clear on everyday or infrequent-but-important decisions. Be patient with yourself. You needn’t wait to be 100% sure before deciding. Often guidance comes to me while I’m in motion. Make your choices with confidence. Know that there are no mistakes, only lessons. Follow your heart.

(David A. Larson is a licensed psychologist, personal coach, and leadership trainer. He can be reached at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com )